When You Arrive in Holland and No One Wants You There

In Special Needs Land, we do not talk enough about how life was before we married. When it comes to caring for our children, we all have our shared system of labor.  Some of you are doing it solo, and you have our prayers.  All I can say is that only the Lord is the restorer of marriages, past and present.  We all must seek Him first, in all we do.

When my husband and I first married at church, we had a romantic courtship.  We fell in love, and got married.  We made a decision to commit to each other, before God and the church, our unity in holy marriage.  Spiritually, it was complete purity.  It reflects Christ and His Church.

But, as in any relationship, you add the mix of bringing two people in holy union, with their faults, histories, and family backgrounds, and you have one big, impure….MESS!  It is where our faith must meet the world that we live in---married or single.  Two people individually have the choice to seek Christ or not.  

God judges the permanency of their covenant.

*And an addendum to this post, originally written in 2012, my now Ex and I divorced because he would not commit to a monogamous relationship, he abused us and is in quite deep trouble with the law. Read newer posts as I begin to share some of what my sons and I went through as a family.

When we all arrived in Holland. 

We rarely see the beauty of God’s refinement when He arrives at the doorstep with a special needs child.  It is bonafide chaos and drama in a very real way at first.  

Truthfully, there are already problems in many marriages, yet, what special needs does is redefine the family’s faith, or send some packing.  We must push all to come to Christ.  Yet, even if you have perfect families…okay, no one does….you will have troubles.

The focus drastically becomes not this typical normal life we planned, with dreams and hopes, but our new life, detoured by God. We are

In Shock,

Angry,

Terrified,

Sad.

We have to let go of what we thought would be our life; that takes time.  It appears that our life stories took a turn for the worst.  After all, we look at all the many things we can no longer do. Our whole life as it was, is sacrificed.

But life is not over; God brings hope.

We simply have to ask ourselves, what is important?  Do I really need to spend all of that money?  Time is short.  What relationships need to be repaired?  What memories and heart-breaks need to be healed.  Who will accept our special child and our family?

When our children are first born, life comes across as hopeless.  We cannot just take our children to the daycare for a needed break.  We get little sleep and research medical procedures.  

As our children grow, their needs change, but their demands on our time do not shift that much.  We are moms (and dads) to special needs children, and with it comes a lot of responsibility, but it is not a high-paying job.

We can praise the Lord for all of those beautiful moments that bring us together as families.  We remember when our child:

Showed signs of interaction.

Moved their first body part.

Spoke their first sentence, even using a device or sign language.

Crawled.

Drank from a bottle.

Made their first real friend.

Fed  themselves.

Took their first steps.

Potty trained.

Spoke their first verbal word.

First ran.

If you were like us, you cried and praised God at each milestone. You see, God blessed you with a life filled with miracles.

Each new victory moved the whole household.  For a normal child, these are important, but for our special needs kids, they are monumental!  Add one kid with special needs and you have even more reasons to praise God.

Our children’s lives, as well as our own, will count as something for God. There is hope for the broken places in our lives despite God's change in our plans. Yet, the Lord brought us all to Holland, not to punish us, but to show us how to carry out His miracles.

Seek the Lord first in all you do, married or not, and then carry out His will for you and your special child, in your family.

In His grip~Kim

  

Originally published on 10/28/2012

The Lord, Adonai, Will Carry Us All on Eagles' Wings With Mercy

I went to the post office yesterday to buy some postcards.  The sales lady told me that they were “forever” cards, meaning that even if the postage price went up, they would still work.  I thanked her and then asked if that meant that the price of postage was going up again.

She told me, “After the election.  Everything will change after the election.”  

That seems to be the mantra in the United States right now.  After the election, the housing market will settle.  After the election, the economy will improve.  After the election, the price of gas will go down.  After the election…..

No one is sure how it will change things.

Will it be good or bad?  Sometimes we can fear the unknown.  

Our country is in a spiritual battle right now.  Some view Obama as representative of the Muslim population.  There was already a call for all Christians to remove themselves from the Democratic party in August, per Charisma magazine.  

Given the fact, that they tried to remove God from their convention, and have been publicly attacking others, perhaps they needed a bold statement.  Talk about losing your foundation…

Then there is the Mormon issue of Mitt Romney.  Jesus is the Son of God, no questions.  We, as Christians, do carry power and authority on the cross of Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit.  

The turmoil has been going on since last year.

I don’t know if you remember, but during the Washington D.C. earthquake last year, there was foundational damage done to both the Washington National Monument, and the National Cathedral. Pretty profound in retrospect, don’t you think?  

You don’t need a basic history lesson, but as we all know, our country was founded on the freedom to worship Jesus Christ, because the King of England tried to oppress us.  George Washington nor the Cathedral are God, and neither is the President.

I mean, really, what are America's choices for president this year?

I can safely say that I am not sure who I am going to vote for this year.  I don’t even know or care what the political and social issues are at this point, other than the fact that the opposing sides need to find some sort of peaceable “agree, to disagree” cooperative.  No one listens when there is mud-slinging going on.

I am praying and seeking out the Lord’s will---His bigger plan for this country.  There are many prayer organizations and rallies that support this effort.  God is still God, and we are facing some interesting challenges regarding our country’s international relations, particularly in the face of Israel’s continuing problems.

I was thinking about the mercy of God.

The Jewish holiday, Yom Kippur is today

Historically, the Jewish High Holy Days, or Yom Kippur, are a season of repentance when the shofar is blown every morning to remind the Israelites to seek repentance before God. 

Rosh Hashanah last Sunday, which is the Jewish New Year on their calendar.  

This is historically the day that Moses delivered the Ten Commandments to the people after they repented of worshipping the golden calf.

The point here is that Yom Kippur is all about seeking the mercy of God.

I don't know about you, but I know that we need it as a people and as a country. 

The following Bible passage was given to Moses, in the presence of the Lord on Mount Sinai, and is very encouraging when we see the darkness of the world and our circumstances.

God's mercy is unrelenting, yes? 

The 13 Attributes of God’s Mercy (Exodus 34:6-7)

The 13 attributes of God's mercy are a reminder of God's sovereignty over His people. While originally, that included only the Jewish people, it now includes us as Christians.

The English translation is in italics, and the Hebrew is in bold italics. The translation is from A Year Through The Torah by John J. Parsons.

The Lord Adonai (The source of Life)
The Lord Adonai (Said twice to show mercy to sinners)
El (God the Mighty; God the rightful judge)
A God merciful Rachum (God the compassionate, merciful to the poor and downtrodden)
And gracious, Ve‘chanun (God is gracious and generous even to the undeserving)
Slow to anger, Ereckh Apayim (God is slow to anger and patient in waiting for our repentance.)
And abounding in steadfast love, Ve’rav Chesed  (God is abundant in kindness to both the righteous and wicked.)
And faithfulness, Ve’emet (God is truthful and faithful in carrying out promises)
Keeping steadfast love for thousands, Notzer Chesed La‘alafim (God extends kindness for 1,000 generations, taking into account our ancestors: Zechut Avot.)
Forgiving iniquity  Nosei Avon  (God forgives iniquity, even those with premeditation.)
And transgression and sin, Vafesha (God forgives transgression, from those committed in a rebellious spirit)
But who will by no means clear the guilty, Ve’chata’ah  (God forgives sin that is inadvertent)
Visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, 
And the children’s children, to the third and fourth generation. Ve’nakeh  (God cancels sin for all those who are truly repentant now and in the past generations)

Praying for the Lord's will and His mercy on us all.

In His grip~Kim

Originally published on 9/23/2012

The Fourth of July in Photos: God's Creation

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth...Genesis 1:1

The earth brought forth vegetation; plants yielding seeds of every kind, 

and trees of every kind bearing fruit with the seed in it.

And God saw that it was good...Genesis 1:12

Originally published on 07/04/2012

The Holy Spirit Brings The Zoo Train

We waited at the Train Depot for the little train to arrive last week. The conductor, an elderly gentleman who had a precious smile, punched a whole in my special needs son’s ticket. My son was jumping up and down excitedly patting me, “urry! Mom! Icket!”

I reached into my pack and pulled out my ticket for the man, and he punched a whole in it. Then the man patted my son, all the while beaming at him.

Whoo! Whoo!

My eight-year-old little special needs boy, who does not act like a typical child, is completely undone over a train ride. He half drags me, and half runs ahead to get on the train. He quickly shows his ticket to the conductor at the gate, and then makes sure I show mine. He picks the closest seat, talking the whole time about the conductor

When we got onboard the train, he watched the birds, the river, screamed in the tunnel, and rode over 2 bridges around our city zoo. We even had several stops, where we were given the option to stay on the train, or get off, and visit a museum or the Japanese Gardens. Yet, we stayed on the train, waiting at each stop with anticipation. It was pure 8-year-old excitement!

The Holy Spirit train

Say what you will, but we cannot, no matter how smart we think we are, follow God’s will in our flesh. We can follow the doctor’s orders. We can follow an association’s idea of how our child’s special needs should be treated. We can follow the mental health professionals. But He is the Great Physician and Healer, and knows all.

Sometimes He hurries up the Holy Spirit train of healing. But, I can tell you from experience that it won’t happen unless we align ourselves with His will, submitting our hearts before Him. Sometimes, we are the soil that God must remove the stumps and rocks from, composts us, and prepares us for growth. Yet, when we trust in that stage, and stop fighting it, we will be better prepared to enrich the seeds that are planted to grow.

We followed the doctor's directions

Who were we? We didn’t know what to do!

We filled him with medications, 9 to be exact. Took him to the hospital when he got sick with pneumonia…3 times he was hospitalized. He had 2 surgeries for his severe sleep apnea. He was on growth hormone injections for his low muscle tone. He also had a synergis injections during the cold and flu seasons for the first 3 years, then the fourth year he was accidentally exposed to the RSV virus, and was in intermediate care for 4 days.

When, we discovered his allergies, thanks to a leading of the Holy Spirit through one young doctor, a miracle occurred. First the prescriptions dropped to 5, and then to 1. Finally, we dropped the injections, and for the next 3 years, our son did nothing but improve. 

Currently, he rarely gets sick, and I have found more and more that good nutrition in conjunction with the Holy Spirit is the answer!

Yes, there are things that come up, but always there is something practical that can be done outside of medications!

I changed things that year

Well, it was something like, the Lord pressed down on my heart when my son became mysteriously and persistently ill, and I had to figure it out because the doctors couldn’t. 

There was something about hours and hours of getting up with my son in the middle of the night, and not getting enough sleep. It pushed me to pray, and pray, and pray some more. 

I prayed a lot because I simply did not know what to do at first. My thought was if the doctors don't know what to do, then how in the world am I going to know? 

Then, in the middle of the night one night, it came to me. I realized my son's current issues came from a food allergy. I mean, how simple is that? 

Step by step the Holy Spirit showed me, and I don’t want to go back. 

I give full credit to God.

My son's health only got better and better, while I changed and tweaked his diet. He came down with fewer colds and complained less and less of stomach ailments. 

The Spirit of the Lord shall rest on him, the spirit of wisdom and understanding, the spirit of counsel and might, the spirit of knowledge and the fear of the Lord. Isaiah 11:2

Originally published 2/26/2012 

The Holy Spirit Has The Answers to Our Problems

My special needs son is obsessed with puzzles. He would, from an early age, take multiple small puzzles apart at the same time, and then put them all back together again. Ask him to put a larger puzzle together, with small pieces, and he struggles. The connecting pieces are too many and solving the puzzle became too complicated for him.

We have several Melissa & Doug puzzles that have large pieces and my son loved them when he was small. He completed them individually. and his interests surface with the types of puzzles that he chooses. Tinker Toys are also a puzzle-type passion, as he spends hours creating wheels, towers, and crosses.

Puzzles show us that things fit together.  What puzzles teach our child is that things connect in a certain order, and in a certain way. If you try to force pieces that do not fit together, the shape will not fit, and the picture will not match. In the human-created world, that is truth.

God’s puzzles are different.

He makes things like DNA and biological processes; He even creates genetic differences. He created the heavens and the earth, which all move in cycles that fit together in a fashion that only He can replicate.  

He designed living plants, trees, and animals to have offspring so that the new can fulfill His will.  He has puzzles that are complicated and detailed way beyond the human imagination. Yet, we are still looking for human answers.

Scientists try to re-create the human systems of genetics and cells; however, they spend a lifetime doing it. They are seeking cures to help people, but only Yahweh knows the answers. We can only catch a snapshot of wisdom because only God knows the whole picture. 

We humans, created by our Creator, only see the puzzle pieces scattered on the floor. We persist in praying for answers; I put my trust and hope in God, first and foremost, even to show us new treatments, and solutions to His puzzles.

That is easy to say when you are hurting.

Sometimes when I think about my son, I cry…and cry…and cry. The tears come like a flood. I know God created my son, my Angel Boy, but there are seasons when life is so difficult for him. 

He struggles to control his behavior, his insatiable hunger drives him, his lack of speech gets in the way, etc. A parent might ask why God would make a child this way.

We must stand firm in Christ no matter how we feel. When we need answers or feel overwhelmed with our child's diagnosis.  Even if we have a mustard seed of faith, the LORD will grow it into a tree. It is when everything feels like it is falling apart that we bring it before Him, and listen for His holy will.

God is calling us to put the puzzle together His way.

We don’t know if they will be able to go to the Prom or get married, and they probably won’t have children, although some have. We fear their futures. Where are they going to live, and how are they going to survive? Will they be able to make a living, or hold down a job? Who will take care of them when we are gone?

We all have trials and troubles. We suffer, have illnesses, cry out to God, and pray for relief from our oppressors.  The LORD responds by gifting us with the treasures of the Holy Spirit to equip and build up the Church. He gives us the full armor of God to keep us yoked with the righteous, and battle the evil attacks of the enemy.

Yes, many of us feel like we have arrived in Holland, but He has called us to use the very same weapons to assist us in the care of our children. He entrusted them to us so that we can provide for their needs and He will save us all from the devil’s wrath. No, it will never be the normal parent/child relationship. Yes, it will require more and longer responsibilities from us. But, the LORD will give us the strength we need to endure to the end.

Stand firm, therefore, and fasten the belt of truth around your waist, and put on the breastplate of righteousness.  As for shoes for your feet put on whatever will make you ready to proclaim the shield of faith, with which you will be able to quench all the flaming arrows of the evil one.  Take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.  Ephesians 6:14-17

Originally published on 2/5/2012