The Story of My God-Given Divorce

 

I waited years to really write about my divorce. Mostly out of respect for the violent behavior of my Ex-husband. I mean, really, you don't poke a tiger unless you want it to maul you.

So while I have long since carried my heart to the Lord for healing, I knew that I could not give it to a man like that again. 

I knew that he committed adultery against me, but he was careful to cover his tracks, so later I surmised that he had done it over and over again. 

Once I climbed over the hurdle of betrayal and hurt that comes with an adulterous and abusive husband, I arrived face to face with the religious narcissistic lies of the church.

You need to forgive him (and trust him again).

You were called to save him.

Just pray for him until he comes home. 

On and on it went like this. 

And when that did not work the way they wanted it to, it became a different manipulation.

You need to repent, Sister.

God is punishing you.

Whispers and stares followed me all over the church as if my purity before God meant absolutely nothing. What they surmised as sexual purity (staying married to an adulterer) wasn't purity at all.

The religious women who never had to worry about an unfaithful husband or a life of abuse from a sheep-dressed wolf clucked their tongues at me and branded me with a Scarlet Letter A. 

The problem is that none of it was even true.

What they did not see were my cries to God to save us from getting killed by this man. The best I felt I could hope for with this man was to not catch some horrible sexual disease he picked up somewhere. Or, not wake up yet again while he was raping me in my sleep.

Worse, once the truth began to come out about who he was, we were left abandoned by corrupt local law enforcement when I found a fully-loaded assault Army rifle hidden in our backyard shed. The case he kept it in had several magazines of bullets in the case. All he had to do was point, unlock, and shoot that gun. 

My children and I were completely abandoned, even though we were completely his victims.

The point is that these people in the church had no idea what was going on, so they created some erroneous sin they made up and accused me of needing repentance.

None of it was born of the Holy Spirit.

Because after all, evil men do not marry Godly women, right?

And she must have done something to make him do what he did, right?

The problem is their own coverups

I mean, really. How many evil women narcissistically point their accusing finger at abused women and their children, while evil men refuse to live up to anyone's Christian standards. 

But, the truth of the matter is that it isn't because the rest of us need some level of repentance, but because these women are filled with dead bones themselves. 

You see, in a world full of psychology and mental health crises, the truth remains that such women harbor cold, dark hearts that hate. They marry evil, immoral men, who cling to their selfish delusions. 

The image of Jezebel and her husband, Ahab comes to mind quite quickly. She sent her evil husband after a prophet of God, and when that didn't work, she went after him herself.

While the modern church may not go quite that far, how right are they when they shun women for rightly getting a divorce from adulterous men?

Worse, they try to make men "repent" and go back to their wives. Why? Do they want them to victimize their wives again?!

So God had the last word

Not only did He give me a divorce, but He made a way for my sons and me to live in our home and continue our life of homeschooling.

The Lord helped me get the money I needed, and we lived a happy, and generally peaceful life like this until COVID. 

Without my Ex-husband.

And not once did I invite twenty men over to stay the night or even visit a bar...

I mean, seriously, why do people think that? Is that what they did?! 

I hate bars and I want to get married, not pick up random, stray men.

So, yes, God knew that my children and I deserved better, so He gave it to us.

I cannot say why some people act that way

For the longest time, I struggled to understand why people in or out of the church attack innocent bystanders with such hate. 

I still don't.

But, what I have learned is that only God can rescue someone, even from themselves. I could not in a million years rescue my Ex-husband from himself. 

But, what I can continue to do is not rescue him. Proverbs tells us:

A violent-tempered person will pay the penalty; if you effect a rescue, you will only have to do it again. Proverbs 19:19

Nor can I rescue attacking women from themselves either. 

These people must repent before a mighty God, who is their Creator and truly Lord over all. If they don't, well, then what can the rest of us do about it? 

I can tell you that inviting them to church really isn't the answer, especially if they believe they are not the problem---everyone else is.

You either accept the gift that God has to offer you, or you don't.

God has the final say

And that, my friends, is the last word. 

The Lord does allow for divorce for adultery. Just because two people are married, does not mean that a man cannot commit adultery and defile the marriage bed. 

Because trust me, a man does defile the marriage bed when he goes after another woman other than his wife. Or even rapes the wife (or another woman) he has.

He cannot go back and make it right. Nor can he undo what he did. It is what it is.

He made a choice to not follow God.

Further, a woman is not impure because she was violated by her husband. She does not brandish the adultery label. 

No, her husband is the one who gets to carry that load.

And, woe is it to those who carry the load of adultery and worse, refuse to repent. 

If you are divorced

God will bless you for a divorce He has granted. The harsh words in the Bible about how God hates divorce are generally leveled at men who are unfaithful.

Sure, not all women are pure and in control of themselves, but rarely does a woman commit adultery. It generally tends to not be in our nature.

Even if you did wrong your husband, then you have the choice to repent and find God's forgiveness. If you did, then you are forgiven.

But, I promise you that God's will and purposes of sexual purity will be carried out in our marriages and our families.

If we are faithful to the Lord and seek His will in our lives, then He will faithfully carry out our purposes, even if He must remove evil from our homes. 

Trust God always and follow His will for your life and all will go well with you.

The Lord is always faithful!

When Your Husband is an Adulterer and You Become The Spiritual Head

 

It took me years to write about my Ex-husband's adulteries. Oh, he did not just take one but several women. In fact, he had a whole other life filled with violence, alcohol, and God knows what else. 

He did all of this while I was at home caring for a very disabled special needs little boy and his big brother. If you think about it, it was the perfect coverup for him.

So, when I found out even a fraction of what was going on, I knew I was 100% right for kicking him out and then locking him out. 

He lost his coverup and tried to keep it which is another story. 

But, you see, from the church I received:

God hates divorce.

But, what I NEVER, EVER heard was that God hates sexually immoral and adulterous men and that we should not remain yoked with someone like this. In fact, we should push out the sexually immoral from among us. 

I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? God judges those outside. “Purge the evil person from among you.” 1 Corinthians 5:8-13, ESV

So, God set me up as the spiritual leader of our family

So, having never grown up in church and having no real family, I read my Bible. And, if you have read some of these posts on this blog you know, I studied my Bible, its history, and the culture and history of Israel. (I still do)

I knew that God had truly anointed me to serve Him and to lead my sons and me into the future. 

Further, as a mother and a leader, I taught my sons the Bible and we read it almost every day together. My sons knew that everything I did, I did with the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

Why? Because I had absolutely no idea how we were going to make it! Lol

Yep, the reality of single mom-hood was knocking on my door.

People act like I chose this.

Like I made him go out and have an affair. 

Sure, I guess I could look the other way and remain married to him. But, in truth, my heart would not allow me to even consider that.

Even worse, being married to a liar, con man, and adulterer, you learn real quick that he is lying about everything.

Further, because he is lying, you really do not know how bad it is on the other side. And now, years later, I can say that I did not know but a small fraction of what he was up to. Honestly, I still don't.

So, no, I am not an adulteress and I cannot even attempt to become one.

God did not call us to be adulterers

You know this. You read it in the Bible. 

And yet, far too many pastors and even church leaders and members tell wives to stay married to unfaithful husbands. Their rationale almost always goes back to the argument that God hates divorce.

They need to read their Bibles because Moses was not speaking to the women in that passage. He was speaking to the men who wanted to divorce their wives for purely ridiculous reasons. 

But, what they fail to see is that adultery is only the symptom of their evil. Ya'll it isn't the cause! 

So, the next time, a woman confides in you about her cheating husband, You tell her to pack his bags and set them out on the curb after she changes the locks on her door to protect herself and her children. 

Tell him to go shack up with his girlfriend, because that is all he has now.

Do not, absolutely, tell her she needs to stay and pray for her husband while he brings home God knows what else and even endangers her and her children.

What you missed if you tell her to only pray is that God just called her to single motherhood.

God sets single women up to spiritually lead

Yep. I mean, think about it, who is she supposed to trust with her daily to-do list? And what about the drop in income and trials because she has to work and care for her kids all at the same time?

She becomes the helm and she with God's help must guide the ship of her family.

While it sounds nice to be able to trust men at church, many either are disinterested in helping us or are men from the creepy side of life. I learned that unfortunate lesson when I met my Ex at church. 

So, if you are a single mom, new or experienced, get on your knees and pray, because God has a big task for you!

Prayer is a single mom's best defense

I know this and I have lived it for years. God blesses our family with miracle after miracle. I cannot count them all. 

Because I have been on my knees we survived homelessness when my Ex locked us out (won't ever happen again), loss of income, illnesses, official divorce, and so much more!

Am I still waiting for new miracles? Absolutely!

But, until then, I will continue to pray and sow those seeds for God. 

Why? Because I know that God has all the answers that I need.

The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be my son. But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death.” Revelation 21:7-8, ESV

In His grip~Kim

Word Wednesday: A Man Shall Leave His Father and Mother

It is in His Word.  

It can't get much clearer than this.  

But for Adam, no suitable helper was found.  So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh.  Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman for she was taken out of man." 

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Genesis 2: 20-24, NIV

Marriage is between a man and a woman; it is a reflection of Christ and the Church.

Marriage is Adam and Eve.  

Jesus is Lord over all

The single women.

The single men.

The married male and female.  

ALL come to Him first and then come together.  

Yet, the world is not perfect. Things do not always go as planned and many people people fall out of God's plans for marriage. 

There are broken-hearted single people left behind.

Divorced women and sometimes men.

Widows and widowers.

People conjure up all sorts of ideas about why marriages fail and how it must be a two-sided event. 

But, nothing could be further from the truth. 

Equally yoked marriages struggle, but unequally yoked marriages will not survive unless the unbeliever yields to God. 

Adulterers and the sexually immoral will face the judgment of God in marriage because they have yet to repent. And, let's face it, they leave a path of destruction behind, that is miles long.

Give grace to humble

They are not at fault. Lift them up in prayer and rejoice in their healing. 

While Adam and Eve are the original standard for God's marriage plan, it certainly does not hold true in today's world. 

Wolves act like sheep and sheep are deceived by them. 

If God calls us to not be yoked with the sexually immoral, why would the people who have not had to suffer through adultery beat the rest of the people up?

I have seen it occur all too often. 

No, God gives grace to His people and His people yield to His will.

In His grip~KIm

Originally published on 6/12/2013