The Gift of God

 

Special Needs Land hits most of us really hard, I know. I experienced it myself. My special needs son was not born typically but came by Cesarean. 

Further, when they pulled him out of my womb, he collapsed and went straight to oxygen. Then he went to NICU for two weeks. His medical equipment filled the living room when he came home with a genetic diagnosis.

Yet, when I chose his name, it was before I knew that he was a special needs baby. 

Gift of God just sounded right.

My son's older brother at the age of 5 had prayed for a baby brother, and God gave him one. I knew I wanted another baby, but I was not sure if I was too old to get pregnant. 

Yet, along came my son, Gift of God. 

He was a challenge, but always a gift, even before he was born.

They told me he would just sit and watch tv

While television sure is a favorite pastime of many, it really does not have anything to do with who my son is today.

But, the point is we were told many things like this that limited my son to a behavior that had little to nothing to do with who he is as a person.

My son is a gift of God because he is a creation of God. 

He holds likes, interests, and activities that define who he is. Plus, he loves to go places and do things, which of course, do not have anything to do with television! 

Do we run up against the wall of his genetic syndrome? Yep, you bet. But, I always encourage him to be who he is and encourage him in his interests, even as he grows and changes. 

In truth, his tantrums and meltdowns are far worse than I imagined (being honest here). The professionals who were/are supposed to help us, often times fail to do that. And the system is one big pile of corruption.

But, when I look at my son, receive his hugs and sloppy kisses, or listen to his childlike banter (even as a big kid), I know that I am blessed. 

The bad days are just that.

They are just bad days. 

It is really hard to remember that when things are really dark and we cannot find a solution for whatever issue burdens our special needs kid.

I read the posts too of so many moms struggling under the weight of what it takes to care for our kids, and many of us do it alone. Some moms are even married and shoulder this burden alone. When we are honest, we are that mom too. She is a reflection of who we are as well.

So, at the end of the day, or even during a rough season, just take small moments to breathe in scripture, a hot bath, or an extra nap. Take the moments you can to refresh and regroup.

Remember that this season, too, will be over and better days are tomorrow or on the horizon. 

It is really not over until God says so!

God has a plan

Yep. He really does, and that includes your special needs angel (who may not always act like an angel). 

One thing I know for sure is that He created our children and then placed them here in our families for a purpose and a reason. 

It is one of the reasons why I started writing (which is one of my own personal calls by the Lord), but He also has a unique plan for both our special needs kids and our typical kids. 

Watch them. Watch how they play and talk to each other. Look for the ways they positively interact with each other and their peers. 

Nurture it and support their God-given attributes. God's purpose and plan remain in the middle of these little nuggets of our kids' personalities. 

Further, what is His plan for you as a mom and a woman of God? What is the Lord trying to teach you? Has He called you to prayer or some service to your family?

If you are not sure, ask Him and He will unfold the truth right before you.

You are not alone

I think this is where yes, our faith comes in, but also where we rely on each other for support. 

There are so many special needs groups on Facebook, and I know if you are like me, you joined several of them! 

The things we all have in common are our special needs kids, the long hours, difficult medical issues, behavioral challenges, learning difficulties, and then the rest of our duties as moms and sometimes wives.  

While we may have specific challenges as individuals, generally, it is all about our special needs kids some days. 

The unique challenges punctuate our daily lives while we struggle with being unable to go places or make a quick run to the store. Further, shuttling and caring for our typical kids and their needs remains a rather large task when you are the only one running the ship.

But, after the storm of the day, or even before it starts, God is there, waiting for you to listen to Him. 

He is the still, small voice in the peace and He is the Word on the pages of our Bibles. His Holy Spirit is what leads and guides you through each and every decision. 

Whether you are alone physically or married, He is always with you and will help you every step of the way. 

While we may not have been given the easy lives as special needs moms, we are blessed with a Mighty God who knows everything that we need.

In His grip~Kim

What is Your Family's Call From God?

 

I was not born in a Christian home. In fact, my father is an atheist and my mother is an agnostic. So, the very fact that I write on this blog like this, as a Christian, stands in their view, as complete heresy.

Growing up, my parents mocked and laughed at our Christian family members. It became part of the mundane foundation they laid for themselves. Even today, their godlessness is showing up as less glamorous and more like the bitter pill, they swallow every day.

And, they are getting near the end of their lives.

So, when I arrived at the door of my first real church family, all I heard was how much I needed to save my family. But, all I kept saying in my head was they would never take Jesus seriously, and then would make an irreverent joke.

So, I stayed at church, but I kept my comments to myself.

Unfortunately, my silence separated me as I quietly observed on the sidelines the truth.

Not all church people are going to heaven

I know, right? It is a shocker.

If you have been a genuine believer in Christ and followed Him, you know this. They might even be in your family like mine.

But, I refer to the people who come regularly every Sunday, Wednesday, and in between, but cannot show one bit of kindness to anyone. 

Or, the rebels who show up because their family makes them come, hoping that it will just get them off their backs.

Then, there are the occasional church-goers, who show up for major holidays but do not live the Christian life.

Then there are the church rules.

Oh, the list goes on and on. 

But, what it really comes down to is that going to church isn't what saves you. But, it sure is nice if when you go, people accept you.

Ah, yes, the real problem.

Enter one special needs kid

We have a church story where we lived this amazing dream for a few years of bliss at church.

And then my son's care person went off to college, and we quickly discovered just how much she was holding my son's Sunday School experience together.

Sure, God is in control, but He took us out not long after that, because well, He wanted us home. 

But, what our high school care person did for us, is buffer the hate around us from the religious legalism that special needs kids are supposed to act like normal kids. And worse, the religious folks simply do not care if your special needs kid cannot act normal. 

You just need to discipline your kid.

He needs us to tell him how to behave because his mother isn't.

They just need to sit in church like the regular kids.

On and on it went.

So, we came home and we learned how to live the special needs life as a Christian family. Hmmm...

It became our family call from God

No, we don't pass out Bible tracts or try to lay hands on people, but what we do is share the love of God with folks.

For example, when we first walk into Dollar Tree on our treat day, my now huge special needs son waves and yells loudly, Hi, we're back! 

I learned to stop cringing at his loudness and learned to laugh instead. Why? Because his purity was really beautiful.

It does not matter if they know him or not, he knows he belongs and that he is going to make a new friend out of whoever is in the store! 

I love to quietly follow him and watch people transform as he wins over their appreciation for his absolute enthusiasm. 

He generally wins at this event and spends every last dollar he has on Dollar Tree stuff to boot!

The point here is that each and every one of our special needs kids has a ministry of some sort. We cannot just assume they are useless to society.

As a family, it becomes our ministry to support them and help the world learn acceptance of the differences and uniqueness of our kids.

Does that mean they will live normal lives? No, most times it doesn't. But, what it does mean is that our families find our God-given purpose.

Even in the darkness, folks.

So, what is your family's call?

Do you have one yet, or is it to be discovered?

I truly believe that God has a plan for each and everyone one of us. But, trust me, it is not found in repelling the world with religious zealotry.

Truly, it comes in the softening of the hearts of people who believe in love. 

The question becomes, how are you called to serve Him and how are you to do it in your family? 

They may not listen, nor will they always receive you. But, if God calls you, all you can do is persist in sharing the love of God with them.

Some will repent and others won't. 

But, what we cannot deny is the call of the Lord on our lives and His ministry for us as individuals and as a family.

So, listen to the Lord's message which was to be delivered through Moses to the Israelites:

God also said to Moses, “Say this to the people of Israel: ‘The LORD, the God of your fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, has sent me to you.’ This is my name forever, and thus I am to be remembered throughout all generations. Go and gather the elders of Israel together and say to them, ‘The LORD, the God of your fathers, the God of Abraham, of Isaac, and of Jacob, has appeared to me, saying, “I have observed you and what has been done to you in Egypt, and I promise that I will bring you up out of the affliction of Egypt to the land of the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Amorites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites, a land flowing with milk and honey.”’  Exodus 3:15-17, ESV

He will give the people of God His voice for His purpose and His will.

Amen?

In His grip~Kim

Unglued? Or Is It Sensory Meltdown?

The Bible says:

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 

1 John 4:8

I felt like the Clampetts somedays. You know on the Beverly Hillbillies?

Right before the plumber arrived, my special needs son, who was already worried and upset that he hadn't arrived sooner, fell and skinned his knee.  He remained in the driveway crying and yelling at me, in a sensory pile of shut down from the stimulation and confusion.  The boy in him wanted to be in charge, yet wanted his mommy.  It was all just too much.

But, just as if on cue, the plumber arrives.  My son still refuses to get up out of the driveway.  But, I walk down to the gate to let in the plumber, and explain my plight to him, that I would direct him around my son if need be.  Of course, he just kind of looks at me, like "Are you kidding me?"  I gave him my confident smile and started walking back to my son.

By this time, he gets up, excited now that the plumber arrived, knee forgotten, but still teary.  He runs to the house, and opens up the door, and (here comes the Clampetts part) one of the dogs runs out. He won't listen to anyone and runs from me when I try to catch him, chasing him around the car.  When I do grab a hold of him, he resists me, but I manage to drag all 80 pounds of him into the house.

But, by this time, my son is screaming again inside, because the littlest Chihuahua mix is trying to run out the door and won't listen to his screaming...  Yet, I am still dragging the big dog, while he skids his feet on the tile floor, mind you.  I decide to put him in a small bathroom, and every time I try to shove him in, you guessed it, he tries to escape.

By this time, I am laughing hysterically, because the dog is incredibly stubborn. But, with some tenacity, I manage to shut both dogs into the bathroom.  I am totally out of breath and still laughing by the time I finish.

Of course, also by this time, the plumber is now laughing.

It turns out he has a few kids of his own, so he "got" the chaos thing...I didn't ask him if he had any dogs. But, I probably should have asked him if he wanted one of mine:-)  JK!

It appeared that the fabric of my whole house came UNGLUED!

Over the plumber...Or did it?

When the general order of our house goes out the window, for some reason as a society, people tend to say things like, "That lady needs to control her kids."  "If that was my kid, I ____." Or something to that effect.  Most of us have said things like this BEFORE we had kids...then, we realized.  :-)

Or my favorite is, the people who glare at you for grouching at your kid in the store, after telling them to behave for the 15th million time that day...

Parenting is no easy job, and it teaches us to pray, even when our kids and our own emotions come "unglued."  The chaos is part of the package, and, wanting order?  Well, just buckle your seat belt, because you aren't always going to get that. ;-)

Love is the real glue in life.

And we cannot have love without GOD.  It just isn't possible, because GOD is love.  He is the one that binds our hearts together, and He is the one who works among us.  Chaos will need to be settled and problems need to be solved.  He is the One who creates order out of chaos.

We can have man-made systems and organizations, even under the guise of what some term "church."  But, what we really need is LOVE---LOVE that is born of God, who sacrificed His only Son, Jesus Christ to die for our sins.  

In His grip~Kim

Originally published 10/11/2014

During Shmita 2014-2015

Parenting Special Needs in the Middle of a Mess

While in the bathroom, I suddenly hear screams and chaos.  I hurry out of the bathroom to the sounds erupting into the morning, only to run into two angry boys, ready to defend their cause.  

One forgetting he has a brother with special needs, and the other in a special needs shut-down.  With Mama Bear's swiftness, I stand before them, insisting on order and peace.

I must at moments like these, bridge the gap for them between two different worlds: special needs and normal.  Yet, they are just boys; two different worlds who must live under the same roof.  But, the conflicts are the same in the rest of the world, only more divided.

We all live it as special needs parents.  There are expectations of each world that conflict.  Yet, both must be brought together in peace.  Add our faith as Christians, in the mix of that, and you do have one big mess at times!

Love is messy!

People get aggravated, annoyed, and yet, still love each other.  As in the case of boys, well, they may get a bit too rowdy, but there is brotherly love.  Yet, they have to learn to work through conflicts and settle disputes among themselves, without the wildness.  As parents, we know that this is just part of growing up.

But, with special needs, it is not always so easy to reconcile in the world.  There is autism and genetically induced mental illness.  There are physical and medical disabilities.  Why does the Lord allow this to happen?  I don't know. 

Perhaps to bridge the medical community into the equation? To help us find our faith?  We can only trust the Lord's purposes, because He is, after all, the Creator.

What I do know is that we are all interconnected.  We cannot just walk away from each other.  

Diving in deep with the Holy Spirit is the only way.

Unfortunately, not everyone dives in that deep.

Most of us know that love only comes with honesty.  People can dip their toe in, or tread water, but they will never truly love because they hate their own reflection.  They have yet to receive the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ, who brings the gift of true salvation.  

So it is with those who refuse to accept our special needs children as they are. They think they have the right to falsely judge and accuse special needs people because they are struggling with their own hearts. And they refuse to accept or help.

But, both worlds must co-exist.

Truly.  In order for peace to occur between the special and normal worlds.  The normal world must give in to the reality that special is just that--special. They need the help of those who are "normal" and need them to rise above their living only for their own needs. 

Special needs people cannot change who God created them to be, to accommodate the normal world's ideas of how life should be.

Likewise, special needs people must forgive the self-centeredness of the normal world, that fails to accommodate their very real needs, and the inability to be normal all, or most, of the time.  They must try to reach out in love and kindness, even when the normal world harshly begrudges their needs. 

Some special needs individuals, who understand enough, will have to learn to accept that the normal world just does not understand their needs.

It all comes down to love.

Yes, this is a tall order.

But, we MUST bridge these two worlds as parents and advocates, and we need others from the normal world to help us bridge them as well.  It is our reality, and our daily challenge to find this kind of support.   Yes, it is messy on the surface, but God will make the way straight, no matter what the circumstances are.

We must be the hands and feet of Jesus Christ; this is true love, and it IS messy! To serve in the way that God calls you to.  We DON'T have to completely lay ourselves down to be trampled and martyred.

Prayer, and trusting in the Holy Spirit's leading of us, is our only hope to find His will!

Jesus already paid the price!

In His grip~Kim

Originally published 9/13/2014

The Great Commission: Go and Make Disciples as a Special Needs Family

I was left thinking about hope today...

Some mothers have children who are dying.

Some have children with lifetime disabilities.

Some have children with chronic diseases.

Others wait for the day of their child's death.

Some have children who have no labels, don't qualify for insurance, or even qualify for specialized medical care.

Some, have children who struggle with multiple disabilities, which make them high maintenance.

As I read some of the stories of other parents, I am left with the reminder that

God is the Author of Life.  

Sometimes when I look at other people's lives, outside of Special Needs Land, I feel kind of sad, because my life doesn't look that way.  I don't get many personal trips out of the house without my son.  It takes incredible effort to take a long-distance trip, like to my typical son's basketball tournaments, or gasp, a vacation!  

We cannot slip into any place incognito; we stand out.  For me, it feels like we are under neon, flashing lights saying,  Look!  We are a special needs family.  

While I am generally accepting of how the Lord has directed us, I sometimes feel sorry for myself---wishing for something that just won't happen.  Normal.  I could depress myself with that idea...but I don't.

I pray until I find peace

It isn't about fitting into normal, but it is carrying out the Great Commission, just where the Lord has us. You know, Go and make disciples...

Only since some of us cannot physically go out of the house very much, does God gets creative.  Or rather, we actually discover alignment with His purpose for our lives.  We end up going to places with a specific purpose that includes our special needs child, such as general errands or a medical or therapy appointment, only to share our mission.  

Further, we run errands with our children only to share our testimony.  Or even place a photo of our special child on our work desk, only to share our story and Christ's amazing love for us.  

The real purpose of a special needs mom and family is to carry out a ministry that far surpasses anything we dreamed of.  Some of us even end up realizing that yes, carrying out our everyday duties is a ministry.

When our lives begin, we have youthful dreams.

I am not really talking about age, but about dreams that do not include a Special Needs Life.  Dreams that include traveling to faraway places, or just plain ordinary life.

For most of us, that simply included normal, and that involves a level of grief.

What the Lord keeps reminding me on the days when I am tired and fed up with life in Special Needs Land, is that His ways are better, and His plans for our lives are perfect.  It isn't the ideal life of normal that is perfect, it is following God's purpose for our lives.

Why?

First of all, because it is a better life.

Second, He has called us to a deeply rewarding life of carrying out the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

He handed you the keys to the Kingdom---that and your special needs child, now Go and make disciples...

Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.  Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything that I have commanded you.  And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.  Matthew 28:18-20

The Lord's blessings to you this week~Kim

Originally published on 6/2/2013

I Know What it is to Have Plenty: A Look at Prader-Willi Syndrome

Sometimes we are afraid when our physical circumstances look bleak around us.  We may actually worry about money to the point of not being able to provide for our most basic needs.  Although, truly, many of us do not even face such circumstances. 

Honestly, if you are reading this post, you probably really do not know what it even means to be hungry, much less not sure where your next paycheck is coming from.  

I mean, really hungry.  

My son has Prader-Willi Syndrome (PWS)

I say this because one of the hallmark symptoms of PWS is an insatiable appetite. There are some other genetic syndromes where kids struggle with overeating, but PWS typically goes way beyond this.

They simply believe they are hungry even after eating a full meal. And, they do not understand why you as a normal person don't get it. 

Although I haven't talked much publicly about it, May has been Prader-Willi Syndrome Awareness month. You see, my special needs son has Prader-Willi Syndrome (PWS), which occurs because of a partial deletion or double imprint of chromosome 15.  

As I stated, it manifests itself the most in the appetite of our kids.

There are other characteristics of PWS, however, really, intense hunger is one of the issues most people take note of.  It seems to be the most frequent quality of PWS individuals.  This drive to eat can cause them to choke or overeat to the point of death if left unchecked. Even then, our kids outsmart even the most engaged adults and get around our locks on cabinets and refrigerators. 

They may gorge way beyond what their stomach is capable of, and this, in turn, can create bursting.  Recently, we recently had a young 8-year-old boy in our PWS community, die of this condition.  

As parents, we must try to explain the confusing state of their bodies to them, and then lock up food for their own safety.  Honestly, we can only trust their very lives to the Creator.  

So, to me, PWS shines a unique light on this verse.  You can read more about PWS by clicking on the menu above.  

PWS has many other complications

Our kids range from mild to severe in genetic symptoms of PWS. Some simply want food more than others. Yet, also some of our kids develop a variety of medical complications as well.

Most of them suffer from obesity or at least keeping their weight in check. 

Many of our kids require around-the-clock monitoring and full-time care. 

PWS really does offer plenty of unique circumstances and keeps our families busy managing their care.

Yet, hunger is forever changed in our home

Probably the biggest shift in our family life was the need to keep food under lock and key. 

Do you usually hang your bananas on a hook on the kitchen counter? Or, what about a bowl of apples for the hungry snackers in the house? 

Or, do you think nothing about driving through the fast food lane to pick up a burger on the run? 

Families outside of PWS families don't see these events as really even monumental. Yet, to a kid with PWS, these food "triggers" may cause a meltdown or tantrum because they simply cannot just say no.

Think about a severely addicted person who is shown their drug of choice and cannot turn it down. This is what it is like for a PWS person. 

While there are methods we use as parents to help them manage those urges, what we don't do is leave food to chance. 

It changed the way we do holidays, outings, errands, and more. Further, our kids struggle to find engaging relationships with other kids because food cravings always get in the way. 

So, yes, the meaning of food has really changed. 

But, life is not all about food

If you have a non-PWS family and food is always at the center of your gatherings, then you may find this completely mystifying. 

As I said, it rocked our world, but what we learned to do is find other ways to focus on enjoyable activities that do not always include food.

Sure, we exercise our basic needs, but learning to adjust how we eat, when we eat, and respect the weakness of our PWS kids matters so much more!

We love, grow and become better at our relationships. And in return, we grow closer to the Lord and each other living a rich that carries challenges.

In His grip~Kim

Originally published on 5/29/2013

The Lord Has a Plan, He Knits Special Needs in the Womb

Before my special needs son was born, and I was in early pregnancy, I had a very vivid dream about him.  I woke up in a panic, because I dreamed he was in respiratory distress of some sort and he died, not long after he was born.  

I woke up crying and extremely fearful, knowing that the Lord was telling me that something was wrong with the child in my womb.  I prayed repeatedly throughout the pregnancy that he would not die, and that the Lord would give me the strength to make sure he stayed healthy.

The dream in retrospect went beyond what I knew at that time, having given healthy birth to my only other typical son, who was born with some food intolerances, but nothing more.  I did not even comprehend that I would give birth to a special needs son.  

I knew that I had taken vitamins and stopped taking all of my medications, even before I conceived.  Why in the world would I give birth to a child with a birth defect?   

We planned it as much as we could.

Yet, the Lord had another plan

He gave me two wildflowers around the time of my son's birth.  At the time it appeared to be nothing, but later on, I realized He, the Creator of the Earth, had blessed me with a picture.  

You see, that year, we had an abundance of Indian paintbrush flowers, in a sea of pink throughout our yard.  It was beautiful, and I took as many photos as I could.  

Yet, one day, there was one lone white paintbrush, devoid of the bright pink color, and larger than the others, next to all the other pink flowers.  I snapped a photo, of course, because the contrast was striking, and there were no others like it.

Then, when my son was born, he was born with Prader-Willi Syndrome, a partial deletion of chromosome 15, and also close to the gene deletion of...albinism, the genetic condition of no, or little pigment in the skin. It took me a while to remember this photo above, but when I did, I realized it.  

There was no mistake, He created my son in my womb and He, the God Almighty wanted me, and others, to know.

God makes both the special and the typical.

I cannot 100% know why the Lord gave me my special needs child, except to bless me!  That fear and panic covered me right after his birth, particularly when he collapsed after birth, in respiratory distress.  Still, he was revived, and I regained my faith with each passing day.   I knew that God would deliver, yet, it did not come easy.

God had given me my mission; I knew what my job was, and that respiratory distress was part of my watch.  That is, until the Lord healed my son of his asthma condition, and had me take him off of all his medications.  It was truly miraculous, and an answer to my prayers, of course, while my son was in the womb.  I could breathe easier.  

So many of us think we will always hate Holland.

I get the pain and confusion.  I started off there.  My aunt sent me a copy of the Welcome to Holland poem right after my son was born, and it brought me relief to cry out the truth, yet also to accept what the Lord had just given me.  

The overnight wake-up call to special needs parenthood is overwhelming for all of us, yet, we can overcome it with the Lord's help.

Yes, some days, I know I could do without my son's disabilities (he has more than one).  I admit this.  But, really, it has only made my life richer, because I had to reach deep within myself and seek the Lord during our darkest times for strength and healing.  

The problems are still there with my son, but that doesn't change.  The behaviors, medical issues, and restraints on my life do not let up, even though I wish they would.  They remain a part of God's plan for my life, but only for His glory.

But, it hasn't always been easy to accept.  We all start at the arrival in Holland.

If you are struggling to find the Light right now...

Seek Him.

Don't let go.

Read His Word.

Cry out your heart to the Lord.

Worship Him in praise.

He will answer you if your heart is true.

He will meet you where you are.

Have no fear, for He is with you.

Jesus Christ is the Prince of Peace.

All things came into being through Him, and without Him, not one thing came into being.  What has come into being in Him was life, and the life was the light of all people.  The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it.  John 1:3-5

In His grip~Kim

Originally published on 5/19/2013

The Gifts Our Special Needs Kids Bring Us

Special needs does not just arrive on our doorstep completely appreciated. 

At first, we live through grief and despair, knowing just how much it will take to raise our kids. But it also comes with so many blessings as a mom. 

While not everyone accepts this fact, those who do will grow and develop a deeper appreciationg for what they have. 

Listen and watch one mom's view of her son who is wheelchair bound and does not have a full brainstem.

 

No matter where you are in the grief process of a new life with special needs, there is always hope and always something to be thankful for.

God does have a plan and He will make a way for us as families.

In His grip~Kim

Originally published on 5/9/2013

When You Arrive in Holland and No One Wants You There

In Special Needs Land, we do not talk enough about how life was before we married. When it comes to caring for our children, we all have our shared system of labor.  Some of you are doing it solo, and you have our prayers.  All I can say is that only the Lord is the restorer of marriages, past and present.  We all must seek Him first, in all we do.

When my husband and I first married at church, we had a romantic courtship.  We fell in love, and got married.  We made a decision to commit to each other, before God and the church, our unity in holy marriage.  Spiritually, it was complete purity.  It reflects Christ and His Church.

But, as in any relationship, you add the mix of bringing two people in holy union, with their faults, histories, and family backgrounds, and you have one big, impure….MESS!  It is where our faith must meet the world that we live in---married or single.  Two people individually have the choice to seek Christ or not.  

God judges the permanency of their covenant.

*And an addendum to this post, originally written in 2012, my now Ex and I divorced because he would not commit to a monogamous relationship, he abused us and is in quite deep trouble with the law. Read newer posts as I begin to share some of what my sons and I went through as a family.

When we all arrived in Holland. 

We rarely see the beauty of God’s refinement when He arrives at the doorstep with a special needs child.  It is bonafide chaos and drama in a very real way at first.  

Truthfully, there are already problems in many marriages, yet, what special needs does is redefine the family’s faith, or send some packing.  We must push all to come to Christ.  Yet, even if you have perfect families…okay, no one does….you will have troubles.

The focus drastically becomes not this typical normal life we planned, with dreams and hopes, but our new life, detoured by God. We are

In Shock,

Angry,

Terrified,

Sad.

We have to let go of what we thought would be our life; that takes time.  It appears that our life stories took a turn for the worst.  After all, we look at all the many things we can no longer do. Our whole life as it was, is sacrificed.

But life is not over; God brings hope.

We simply have to ask ourselves, what is important?  Do I really need to spend all of that money?  Time is short.  What relationships need to be repaired?  What memories and heart-breaks need to be healed.  Who will accept our special child and our family?

When our children are first born, life comes across as hopeless.  We cannot just take our children to the daycare for a needed break.  We get little sleep and research medical procedures.  

As our children grow, their needs change, but their demands on our time do not shift that much.  We are moms (and dads) to special needs children, and with it comes a lot of responsibility, but it is not a high-paying job.

We can praise the Lord for all of those beautiful moments that bring us together as families.  We remember when our child:

Showed signs of interaction.

Moved their first body part.

Spoke their first sentence, even using a device or sign language.

Crawled.

Drank from a bottle.

Made their first real friend.

Fed  themselves.

Took their first steps.

Potty trained.

Spoke their first verbal word.

First ran.

If you were like us, you cried and praised God at each milestone. You see, God blessed you with a life filled with miracles.

Each new victory moved the whole household.  For a normal child, these are important, but for our special needs kids, they are monumental!  Add one kid with special needs and you have even more reasons to praise God.

Our children’s lives, as well as our own, will count as something for God. There is hope for the broken places in our lives despite God's change in our plans. Yet, the Lord brought us all to Holland, not to punish us, but to show us how to carry out His miracles.

Seek the Lord first in all you do, married or not, and then carry out His will for you and your special child, in your family.

In His grip~Kim

  

Originally published on 10/28/2012