In Special Needs Land, we do not talk enough about how life was before we married. When it comes to caring for our children, we all have our shared system of labor. Some of you are doing it solo, and you have our prayers. All I can say is that only the Lord is the restorer of marriages, past and present. We all must seek Him first, in all we do.
When my husband and I first married at church, we had a romantic courtship. We fell in love, and got married. We made a decision to commit to each other, before God and the church, our unity in holy marriage. Spiritually, it was complete purity. It reflects Christ and His Church.
But, as in any relationship, you add the mix of bringing two people in holy union, with their faults, histories, and family backgrounds, and you have one big, impure….MESS! It is where our faith must meet the world that we live in---married or single. Two people individually have the choice to seek Christ or not.
God judges the permanency of their covenant.
*And an addendum to this post, originally written in 2012, my now Ex and I divorced because he would not commit to a monogamous relationship, he abused us and is in quite deep trouble with the law. Read newer posts as I begin to share some of what my sons and I went through as a family.
When we all arrived in Holland.
We rarely see the beauty of God’s refinement when He arrives at the doorstep with a special needs child. It is bonafide chaos and drama in a very real way at first.
When we all arrived in Holland.
We rarely see the beauty of God’s refinement when He arrives at the doorstep with a special needs child. It is bonafide chaos and drama in a very real way at first.
Truthfully, there are already problems in many marriages, yet, what special needs does is redefine the family’s faith, or send some packing. We must push all to come to Christ. Yet, even if you have perfect families…okay, no one does….you will have troubles.
The focus drastically becomes not this typical normal life we planned, with dreams and hopes, but our new life, detoured by God. We are
In Shock,
Angry,
Terrified,
Sad.
We have to let go of what we thought would be our life; that takes time. It appears that our life stories took a turn for the worst. After all, we look at all the many things we can no longer do. Our whole life as it was, is sacrificed.
But life is not over; God brings hope.
We simply have to ask ourselves, what is important? Do I really need to spend all of that money? Time is short. What relationships need to be repaired? What memories and heart-breaks need to be healed. Who will accept our special child and our family?
When our children are first born, life comes across as hopeless. We cannot just take our children to the daycare for a needed break. We get little sleep and research medical procedures.
The focus drastically becomes not this typical normal life we planned, with dreams and hopes, but our new life, detoured by God. We are
In Shock,
Angry,
Terrified,
Sad.
We have to let go of what we thought would be our life; that takes time. It appears that our life stories took a turn for the worst. After all, we look at all the many things we can no longer do. Our whole life as it was, is sacrificed.
But life is not over; God brings hope.
We simply have to ask ourselves, what is important? Do I really need to spend all of that money? Time is short. What relationships need to be repaired? What memories and heart-breaks need to be healed. Who will accept our special child and our family?
When our children are first born, life comes across as hopeless. We cannot just take our children to the daycare for a needed break. We get little sleep and research medical procedures.
As our children grow, their needs change, but their demands on our time do not shift that much. We are moms (and dads) to special needs children, and with it comes a lot of responsibility, but it is not a high-paying job.
We can praise the Lord for all of those beautiful moments that bring us together as families. We remember when our child:
Showed signs of interaction.
Moved their first body part.
Spoke their first sentence, even using a device or sign language.
Crawled.
Drank from a bottle.
Made their first real friend.
Fed themselves.
Took their first steps.
Potty trained.
Spoke their first verbal word.
First ran.
If you were like us, you cried and praised God at each milestone. You see, God blessed you with a life filled with miracles.
We can praise the Lord for all of those beautiful moments that bring us together as families. We remember when our child:
Showed signs of interaction.
Moved their first body part.
Spoke their first sentence, even using a device or sign language.
Crawled.
Drank from a bottle.
Made their first real friend.
Fed themselves.
Took their first steps.
Potty trained.
Spoke their first verbal word.
First ran.
If you were like us, you cried and praised God at each milestone. You see, God blessed you with a life filled with miracles.
Each new victory moved the whole household. For a normal child, these are important, but for our special needs kids, they are monumental! Add one kid with special needs and you have even more reasons to praise God.
Our children’s lives, as well as our own, will count as something for God. There is hope for the broken places in our lives despite God's change in our plans. Yet, the Lord brought us all to Holland, not to punish us, but to show us how to carry out His miracles.
Seek the Lord first in all you do, married or not, and then carry out His will for you and your special child, in your family.
Our children’s lives, as well as our own, will count as something for God. There is hope for the broken places in our lives despite God's change in our plans. Yet, the Lord brought us all to Holland, not to punish us, but to show us how to carry out His miracles.
Seek the Lord first in all you do, married or not, and then carry out His will for you and your special child, in your family.
In His grip~Kim
Originally published on 10/28/2012
