I waited years to really write about my divorce. Mostly out of respect for the violent behavior of my Ex-husband. I mean, really, you don't poke a tiger unless you want it to maul you.
So while I have long since carried my heart to the Lord for healing, I knew that I could not give it to a man like that again.
I knew that he committed adultery against me, but he was careful to cover his tracks, so later I surmised that he had done it over and over again.
Once I climbed over the hurdle of betrayal and hurt that comes with an adulterous and abusive husband, I arrived face to face with the religious narcissistic lies of the church.
You need to forgive him (and trust him again).
You were called to save him.
Just pray for him until he comes home.
On and on it went like this.
And when that did not work the way they wanted it to, it became a different manipulation.
You need to repent, Sister.
God is punishing you.
Whispers and stares followed me all over the church as if my purity before God meant absolutely nothing. What they surmised as sexual purity (staying married to an adulterer) wasn't purity at all.
The religious women who never had to worry about an unfaithful husband or a life of abuse from a sheep-dressed wolf clucked their tongues at me and branded me with a Scarlet Letter A.
The problem is that none of it was even true.
What they did not see were my cries to God to save us from getting killed by this man. The best I felt I could hope for with this man was to not catch some horrible sexual disease he picked up somewhere. Or, not wake up yet again while he was raping me in my sleep.
Worse, once the truth began to come out about who he was, we were left abandoned by corrupt local law enforcement when I found a fully-loaded assault Army rifle hidden in our backyard shed. The case he kept it in had several magazines of bullets in the case. All he had to do was point, unlock, and shoot that gun.
My children and I were completely abandoned, even though we were completely his victims.
The point is that these people in the church had no idea what was going on, so they created some erroneous sin they made up and accused me of needing repentance.
None of it was born of the Holy Spirit.
Because after all, evil men do not marry Godly women, right?
And she must have done something to make him do what he did, right?
The problem is their own coverups
I mean, really. How many evil women narcissistically point their accusing finger at abused women and their children, while evil men refuse to live up to anyone's Christian standards.
But, the truth of the matter is that it isn't because the rest of us need some level of repentance, but because these women are filled with dead bones themselves.
You see, in a world full of psychology and mental health crises, the truth remains that such women harbor cold, dark hearts that hate. They marry evil, immoral men, who cling to their selfish delusions.
The image of Jezebel and her husband, Ahab comes to mind quite quickly. She sent her evil husband after a prophet of God, and when that didn't work, she went after him herself.
While the modern church may not go quite that far, how right are they when they shun women for rightly getting a divorce from adulterous men?
Worse, they try to make men "repent" and go back to their wives. Why? Do they want them to victimize their wives again?!
So God had the last word
Not only did He give me a divorce, but He made a way for my sons and me to live in our home and continue our life of homeschooling.
The Lord helped me get the money I needed, and we lived a happy, and generally peaceful life like this until COVID.
Without my Ex-husband.
And not once did I invite twenty men over to stay the night or even visit a bar...
I mean, seriously, why do people think that? Is that what they did?!
I hate bars and I want to get married, not pick up random, stray men.
So, yes, God knew that my children and I deserved better, so He gave it to us.
I cannot say why some people act that way
For the longest time, I struggled to understand why people in or out of the church attack innocent bystanders with such hate.
I still don't.
But, what I have learned is that only God can rescue someone, even from themselves. I could not in a million years rescue my Ex-husband from himself.
But, what I can continue to do is not rescue him. Proverbs tells us:
A violent-tempered person will pay the penalty; if you effect a rescue, you will only have to do it again. Proverbs 19:19
Nor can I rescue attacking women from themselves either.
These people must repent before a mighty God, who is their Creator and truly Lord over all. If they don't, well, then what can the rest of us do about it?
I can tell you that inviting them to church really isn't the answer, especially if they believe they are not the problem---everyone else is.
You either accept the gift that God has to offer you, or you don't.
God has the final say
And that, my friends, is the last word.
The Lord does allow for divorce for adultery. Just because two people are married, does not mean that a man cannot commit adultery and defile the marriage bed.
Because trust me, a man does defile the marriage bed when he goes after another woman other than his wife. Or even rapes the wife (or another woman) he has.
He cannot go back and make it right. Nor can he undo what he did. It is what it is.
He made a choice to not follow God.
Further, a woman is not impure because she was violated by her husband. She does not brandish the adultery label.
No, her husband is the one who gets to carry that load.
And, woe is it to those who carry the load of adultery and worse, refuse to repent.
If you are divorced
God will bless you for a divorce He has granted. The harsh words in the Bible about how God hates divorce are generally leveled at men who are unfaithful.
Sure, not all women are pure and in control of themselves, but rarely does a woman commit adultery. It generally tends to not be in our nature.
Even if you did wrong your husband, then you have the choice to repent and find God's forgiveness. If you did, then you are forgiven.
But, I promise you that God's will and purposes of sexual purity will be carried out in our marriages and our families.
If we are faithful to the Lord and seek His will in our lives, then He will faithfully carry out our purposes, even if He must remove evil from our homes.
Trust God always and follow His will for your life and all will go well with you.
The Lord is always faithful!
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