The Story of My God-Given Divorce

 

I waited years to really write about my divorce. Mostly out of respect for the violent behavior of my Ex-husband. I mean, really, you don't poke a tiger unless you want it to maul you.

So while I have long since carried my heart to the Lord for healing, I knew that I could not give it to a man like that again. 

I knew that he committed adultery against me, but he was careful to cover his tracks, so later I surmised that he had done it over and over again. 

Once I climbed over the hurdle of betrayal and hurt that comes with an adulterous and abusive husband, I arrived face to face with the religious narcissistic lies of the church.

You need to forgive him (and trust him again).

You were called to save him.

Just pray for him until he comes home. 

On and on it went like this. 

And when that did not work the way they wanted it to, it became a different manipulation.

You need to repent, Sister.

God is punishing you.

Whispers and stares followed me all over the church as if my purity before God meant absolutely nothing. What they surmised as sexual purity (staying married to an adulterer) wasn't purity at all.

The religious women who never had to worry about an unfaithful husband or a life of abuse from a sheep-dressed wolf clucked their tongues at me and branded me with a Scarlet Letter A. 

The problem is that none of it was even true.

What they did not see were my cries to God to save us from getting killed by this man. The best I felt I could hope for with this man was to not catch some horrible sexual disease he picked up somewhere. Or, not wake up yet again while he was raping me in my sleep.

Worse, once the truth began to come out about who he was, we were left abandoned by corrupt local law enforcement when I found a fully-loaded assault Army rifle hidden in our backyard shed. The case he kept it in had several magazines of bullets in the case. All he had to do was point, unlock, and shoot that gun. 

My children and I were completely abandoned, even though we were completely his victims.

The point is that these people in the church had no idea what was going on, so they created some erroneous sin they made up and accused me of needing repentance.

None of it was born of the Holy Spirit.

Because after all, evil men do not marry Godly women, right?

And she must have done something to make him do what he did, right?

The problem is their own coverups

I mean, really. How many evil women narcissistically point their accusing finger at abused women and their children, while evil men refuse to live up to anyone's Christian standards. 

But, the truth of the matter is that it isn't because the rest of us need some level of repentance, but because these women are filled with dead bones themselves. 

You see, in a world full of psychology and mental health crises, the truth remains that such women harbor cold, dark hearts that hate. They marry evil, immoral men, who cling to their selfish delusions. 

The image of Jezebel and her husband, Ahab comes to mind quite quickly. She sent her evil husband after a prophet of God, and when that didn't work, she went after him herself.

While the modern church may not go quite that far, how right are they when they shun women for rightly getting a divorce from adulterous men?

Worse, they try to make men "repent" and go back to their wives. Why? Do they want them to victimize their wives again?!

So God had the last word

Not only did He give me a divorce, but He made a way for my sons and me to live in our home and continue our life of homeschooling.

The Lord helped me get the money I needed, and we lived a happy, and generally peaceful life like this until COVID. 

Without my Ex-husband.

And not once did I invite twenty men over to stay the night or even visit a bar...

I mean, seriously, why do people think that? Is that what they did?! 

I hate bars and I want to get married, not pick up random, stray men.

So, yes, God knew that my children and I deserved better, so He gave it to us.

I cannot say why some people act that way

For the longest time, I struggled to understand why people in or out of the church attack innocent bystanders with such hate. 

I still don't.

But, what I have learned is that only God can rescue someone, even from themselves. I could not in a million years rescue my Ex-husband from himself. 

But, what I can continue to do is not rescue him. Proverbs tells us:

A violent-tempered person will pay the penalty; if you effect a rescue, you will only have to do it again. Proverbs 19:19

Nor can I rescue attacking women from themselves either. 

These people must repent before a mighty God, who is their Creator and truly Lord over all. If they don't, well, then what can the rest of us do about it? 

I can tell you that inviting them to church really isn't the answer, especially if they believe they are not the problem---everyone else is.

You either accept the gift that God has to offer you, or you don't.

God has the final say

And that, my friends, is the last word. 

The Lord does allow for divorce for adultery. Just because two people are married, does not mean that a man cannot commit adultery and defile the marriage bed. 

Because trust me, a man does defile the marriage bed when he goes after another woman other than his wife. Or even rapes the wife (or another woman) he has.

He cannot go back and make it right. Nor can he undo what he did. It is what it is.

He made a choice to not follow God.

Further, a woman is not impure because she was violated by her husband. She does not brandish the adultery label. 

No, her husband is the one who gets to carry that load.

And, woe is it to those who carry the load of adultery and worse, refuse to repent. 

If you are divorced

God will bless you for a divorce He has granted. The harsh words in the Bible about how God hates divorce are generally leveled at men who are unfaithful.

Sure, not all women are pure and in control of themselves, but rarely does a woman commit adultery. It generally tends to not be in our nature.

Even if you did wrong your husband, then you have the choice to repent and find God's forgiveness. If you did, then you are forgiven.

But, I promise you that God's will and purposes of sexual purity will be carried out in our marriages and our families.

If we are faithful to the Lord and seek His will in our lives, then He will faithfully carry out our purposes, even if He must remove evil from our homes. 

Trust God always and follow His will for your life and all will go well with you.

The Lord is always faithful!

The Parable of The 10 Virgins and Being Ready

 

I don't know about you, but COVID sort of shook up my ideas about money and health. You know? 

It seriously does not matter how much money or family members you began the Pandemic with,

because most people lost out in one way or another. 

Then, if you contracted the virus, you find yourself battling the effects long after it visited you. 

So, I pondered this pasage in the Bible:

At that time the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. Five of them were foolish and five were wise. The foolish ones took their lamps but did not take any oil with them. The wise ones, however, took oil in jars along with their lamps. The bridegroom was a long time in coming, and they all became drowsy and fell asleep.

“At midnight the cry rang out: ‘Here’s the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!’

“Then all the virgins woke up and trimmed their lamps. The foolish ones said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil; our lamps are going out.’

“‘No,’ they replied, ‘there may not be enough for both us and you. Instead, go to those who sell oil and buy some for yourselves.’

“But while they were on their way to buy the oil, the bridegroom arrived. The virgins who were ready went in with him to the wedding banquet. And the door was shut.

“Later the others also came. ‘Lord, Lord,’ they said, ‘open the door for us!’

“But he replied, ‘Truly I tell you, I don’t know you.’

“Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour." Matthew 25:1-13

What was Jesus talking about?

Don't you wonder this? Sure, He was probably prophesying again about how He was going to die on the cross and save the world. 

But, also, I wonder why in the world the women would need to have extra olive oil for their lamps? Is He talking about oil here, or was He really teaching His lesson with a parable? 

Chances are he used this story, or parable, to illustrate His Messianic purpose on this Earth. 

Think about it. 

"Listen to My Words so that you will have enough faith."

Can you see it now? 

Light is coming after COVID

Some of us still feel in darkness because of all the destruction we have suffered in the past two years. Yet, glimmers of light have begun to shine. 

People are returning to work

Kids are somewhat going back to school

Businesses have returned back to an almost normal

Traffic is back on the highways.

So, even if you are still living in the darkness and things look bleak. Take heart because the Lord is coming, and He will redeem our lives into a new place.

We will come out stronger than before if we "do the work" of making extra oil so our lamps will not go out. 

We won't run out. God will give us all that we need. 

Who is Your Allegiance to? Is It God or Man?

 As we continue to journey through the virus-ridden world, people are given the opportunity to follow God or other people's ideas of how to live. 

Unfortunately, many will drop like flies, but truly, some will be faithful to the Lord.

Far too many people have used this season to simply do what they want to themselves and to other people. Criminals attempted to expand their reach and mocked the rest of us for having very little help from law enforcement.

To say that this time has been so intensely evil is an understatement. Jesus said to us the following.

Then He said to them, “Nation will rise against nation and kingdom against kingdom.  And there will be great earthquakes in various places, and famines and pestilences; and there will be fearful sights and great signs from heaven. 

Luke 21:10-11

A Season to Keep Our Eyes on the Lord

I think that as we watch the unfolding of so many evil people, sickness pervades our world, and war rages on, we must pray.

God gives us seasons to dig our roots deeper into Him. 

Let's face it, life brings challenges that shift our focus on from the One to whom all allegiance is due. Our viewpoint becomes the world's and we miss our line of vision.

Yet, God reminds us of what His purpose is. You see, while our life events may be incredibly important, even to Him, so are the rest of the world's events. 

Truly, there is always something in bigger play here than what is right in front of us.

Allegiance to God first, keeps us on the right path, and digging our roots into the soil of God's will and plan for our lives reminds us.

Man did not create, nor does he hold a view far enough to have all the answers we need. 

No, keep your eyes on Him, friend. He will guide your steps every step of the way. 

In His grip~Kim

Christmas, Starbucks, Peppermint Mocha, and Gingerbread With a Side of Church

Ah, the Skinny Peppermint Mocha....with Gingerbread, mocha, and lattes.

Even in July, it sounds nice, doesn't it? Just make mine iced and I can dream of the Christmas holidays to come. 

If you imbibe in Starbucks, you will know the drink.  Every year some of us wait for Starbucks' peppermint flavorings at Christmas time...

For others, though, Starbucks rings in the holidays with controversy.  

They would rather do away with Starbucks than drink a Peppermint anything at the green and white labeled store.  There are many Christians who have confronted the company about its female-shaped symbol, which we all came to know as the Starbucks Coffee logo.

While it may be considered a sin for some, for many it is merely a great coffee store with great coffee and a green label.  

What causes one person to sin does not necessarily cause another to stumble.

There is no such thing as a Gingerbread Christian.

You know, the mold and stamp of what your church, your denomination says a Christian is.  They are the cookie cutter variety that dresses and acts the part.  

They wear certain clothes, wear their hairstyles a certain way, and talk the churchy talk.  Yet such people may look the part, but not really be a part of the Body of Christ.

Then, a real man of God walks in with his biker apparel and kneels before the cross, weeping for the Lord to intervene in a matter.

Or, a woman, who has obviously seen the seedy side of life, raises her hands in worship to the Lord, thanking Him for all that she has.  

A real Christian...

Real Christians keep their focus on God's mission for them in each and every circumstance. Their hearts are entwined with the Lord's and the everyday nuances of our culture fall to the side. 

Real Christians may lift their hands in praise, or they don't.  They may wear certain clothes or not. Or, further, they may speak with a specific vocabulary, or not.  

Some Christians get married, divorced, or stay single. Still, others grew up with a background of poverty, or in riches.  Their parents were moral people, religious, or addicted. They are special needs or not.

The combinations of Christian backgrounds and personalities are endless, dear friend because God created them all. I assure you, they are not Gingerbread Christians.  They are created by our Maker, who has a purpose and plan for all of us.

Yet my prayer for all of us is this

That we all seek Christ above all else, following Him, and keeping Him on the throne, no matter what our backgrounds and financial status.  

Whether in family or church, we should strive to love and hug each other, share in each other's lives, and offer our support and encouragement. 

Yes, it will be messy, and the results will be worth it in the end.

We can still drink our peppermint mochas and eat our gingerbread (or not), while we fellowship with the Body of Christ. After all, it is the friends that we make more than the menu options.

In this way, we will find the unity of faith through Jesus Christ, and the Starbucks logo will fall to the side as unimportant. 

“Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7


In His grip~Kim

Originally published 12/7/2014

Wave The White Flag and Surrender All to Jesus

"We raise our white flag.  We surrender all to YOU.  All for you.  We raise our white flag. The war is over.  Love has come. Your love has won." ~White Flag, sung by Chris Tomlin

Have you sung this battle cry in the face of extreme challenges in life? Death and life are the Lord's call. He knows when to call it quits, and when to keep going.

We can keep going with our own ideas about how things need to be done. Or, we can seek out the Lord's solutions to our daily problems. 

No matter what you face today, friend, He has a plan and knows the way. 

Surrender all to Him and you will live the life He called you to live. 

Originally published 12/5/2014

During the Shmita of 2014-2015

Mary, A Woman of God Who Trusted God's Plans For Her

"Blessed is she that believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her by the Lord." Luke 1:45

It all began with a baby.

Yet, the world did not see her as a mother at first.  She was just Mary, a girl in the local village of Nazareth. She was considered pure and virtuous, and Joseph desired to make her his wife. 

Then, with the visitation of an angel, she was given the mission and the seed of the Holy Spirit to become the mother of Jesus.  She believed that the Lord had done this.  It was not any person's plan for the Messiah, but it was God's.

So, when her pregnancy shows, it creates a scandal.  After all, Joseph wasn't even around.  Hadn't he been pure with her?  How could Mary have done this?  Did a soldier take her?  

Joseph just knew that Mary had been unfaithful to him, so he decided to dismiss her quietly.  It was best for everyone.

That is until Joseph was visited by an angel in a dream, who told him that Mary was carrying a baby, who was conceived by the Holy Spirit and would save the people from their sins.  

Startled, he awakens, and decides to do as the angel of the Lord told him, and take Mary as his wife.

The Word of God cannot be chained.

I love this story because God's plan was not going to be stopped.  It was prophecy at its finest, laid out in the Old Testament, only to be carried out in God's perfect time.

In the Mary and Joseph story, there was no compromise; God's prophesies were to be carried out and they were His choice. 

There was no shift from what God wanted to accomplish in the birth of a Savior.  He even knew exactly how to woo Joseph, and get him on board with the Creator's plans for humanity.

He knew who had a good heart and who didn't.

Yet, Mary had to trust God first.

Could you imagine?  You are a woman of God, impregnated by the Holy Spirit, and your betrothed thinks you were unfaithful.  How could the Holy One put you in this position?  

What happened to "I have good plans for you."?  (Jeremiah 29:11)

Based on the religious rules and orders of the day, you are an adulteress and shunned as such if you carry a man's child as a single woman.  Your very life is in jeopardy if Joseph abandons you because you could be stoned to death. 

Further, if you escape the religious leaders, how are you going to provide for yourself and your child, on the way? Even your family would be disgraced and be forced to shun you.

Yet, Mary knew that God would make a way for her and the child because He put her in this situation. She had to have faith that God would defend and protect her. She had to believe that the Lord would carry out what He said He would do.

It is a reminder to trust God first.

Mary shows us this.  She had incredible faith in the face of life and death and trusted God's plans for her life, which He had already revealed to her.  

Even though Joseph wasn't exactly cooperating with the Plan, we also have to give him credit, because after all, the angel came to Mary first, not Joseph. If God tells you He is going to carry out something, then shouldn't you believe?

Do you wonder what His plans are for you?

Are you saying, "I don't know what God's plans are for me? I'm just trying to get by."  Then, ask Him, and He will tell you. Even if you don't understand right away, pray and rely on Him for everything. I mean everything, and He will show you His plans, or tell you outright.

When you know what His purposes are for you, you can better be there for your family, and carry out His mission in your life.  

After all, when we are all we can be in Christ, then we can better support our families and those we are called to serve.

What is God's plan for you in your life? Seek Him first and discover it and you will find the peace that passes all understanding. 

In His grip~Kim

Originally published 12/1/2014

Season of Shmita 2014-2015

God is Your Personal Healthcare Companion

If you haven't seen Big Hero 6, you need to go see it as a special needs family.  We went to see it for the first time this past weekend.  It is packed, of course, with tons of action, and we, the viewers are introduced to Baymax, the Personal Healthcare Companion, and robot, of Hiro, a young boy with a gift for technology.  

In the movie, Baymax is created and programmed by Hiro's brother, whose primary job is to "heal the sick and injured." You are just left with the feeling that you just want to hug Baymax and take him home.

In the movie, Hiro leads the way when his brother dies, and injustice strikes.  A team of normally geeky kids, and Baymax, find themselves fighting for justice against a villain who, it turns out, really desires to seek revenge against a tyrant who killed his daughter.  

Hiro alters Baymax's programming to help a team of 6 accomplish his mission to retrieve his invention. Yet, in the end, Baymax's primary mission takes charge, while he uses his heart to still accomplish the immediate mission of justice.

Our own Personal Healthcare Companions can be this way.

Baymax made me think of our own helpers who meet many of our special needs families' needs in the medical, personal, and educational world.  Everything usually comes down to the medical foundation necessary for our children's health, and as special needs parents, we rely on our providers quite a bit sometimes. 

While they don't usually fight for justice;-), there are times when it does happen, in special cases, but like Baymax (and all of us really), there is a solution without annihilation...

God is the REAL Personal Healthcare Companion, who guides our hearts.

We need to trust our GREAT Personal Healthcare Companion

We can come to Him to heal the sick and injured, but at times, God stands against the enemy and defends our families.  Of course, this is a limited view of the Great I AM, but these two purposes speak volumes about the contrasting character of God's love.  

He alone should guide our moral compass, through His Holy Spirit.  And, man's laws and rules cannot match up to His. But, He brings us to and sends us people along the way whom God has ordained to meet our family's needs. And, if they attempt to annihilate us, well, He is the God of justice.

We need our earthly Personal Healthcare Companions.

While God guides us, we still need hands-on care and support for our families.  I am amazed at the "regular" world's ideas and mythology, that we are just supposed to wave the magic wand and our special needs children's care will magically happen. While we depend on God, we still need the hands and feet of Christ---workers approved by Him for service.

If you are still waiting for a Personal Healthcare Companion, seek His will first for your family; God does know the way, and He knows what we need and what doors to knock on.  

No, not everyone will listen, but the care for our special needs children must take the front seat in our families; it is the LORD's call on our life. And, if He calls us to it, then NO ONE will close the door on it.

If you have a Personal Healthcare Companion, pray for those who need one, or more.  Further, have you hugged your Baymax today?  They need all the love they can get.

Pray for His will, and He will provide what your family needs.  Seek #RealLove  #justhavefaith  #angelarmies

In His grip~Kim

Originally published 11/19/2014

During the Shmita of 2014-2015

The God of Angel Armies

Their redeemer is strong; Yahweh of Hosts is His name; He shall thoroughly plead their cause, that He may give rest to the land, and disquiet the inhabitants of Babylon. Jeremiah 50:34

The Bible tells us that the Lord is our Defender, and sends in His Angel Armies to defend us.

Yet, sometimes our angels are not supernatural Heavenly Hosts.

Sometimes our families are covered by Angel Armies in the flesh.  

They appear as people that rise above their jobs or go out of their way to show kindness to our special needs families.  They are the people that make a difference in our lives, both short-term and long-term without even being asked.

They are the workers, teachers, chaplains, therapists, child care workers, church friends, family members, and many others who go against the norms of the world and follow God. In the flesh, they are God's Angel Armies.  

God knows their hearts and places them strategically, and usually, they are also Christians.

In Times of Darkness

The Lord's Angel Armies are there ahead of us, shielding us and protecting us. They guard the way that we must go and keep our enemies at bay. 

While to us, we see only sudden death and destruction, God knew ahead of time what they would do. Yet, He planned and prepared a way for us, knowing what we would need.

It remains a difficult plight to live a human existence, but remembering that His Angel Armies are waiting in the wings, helps us immensely in all of our worldly troubles. 

In His grip~Kim

Originally published on November 15, 2014

War Dogs Return To Protect and Serve at Home After Retirement

I heard this story on K-LOVE yesterday about a war veteran and his wife. They launched a mission to provide service dogs to military veterans instead of putting them down. They further televised a presentation on A & E called Dogs of War (no longer on A & E).

The men served in the military and are suffering from PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) and other injuries.  Jim Stanek, the founder of Paws and Stripes, with his wife, Lindsey, hosts the show.  He suffered a traumatic brain injury in war, and still suffers from PTSD, but came back to life through his dog, Sarge.  

The goal of a Paws and Stripes service dog is to help war veterans cope with life after service to their country.  

These specially trained dogs provide love and companionship to such men, helping them to give and receive love.  It is a special sort of therapy intended to help the veteran bond with the dog, and thus, enter back into society and connect with the people he loves.

This program can offer hope to those who are hurting.

My grandfather was killed in the Korean War, as one of the first Air Force fighter pilots in the country, and my father was a paramedic in the 82nd Airborne in the Dominican Republic.  

My great-grandfather is laid to rest with his son in a military cemetery.  I know what it is like to grow up in the fallout of the military, but I do not know what it is like to grow up in war.

Yes, the military can "grow up" some men, but for many, the scars of war linger once they return home. 

Even those who feel "called" to service, struggle with the effects of war and its losses.  Finding their hearts is the first obstacle for men (and women) in returning to relationships.

A service dog is a wonderful way to transition people to love.  

Veterans who return need our prayers

While Veteran's Day could be about all the free food and recognition they can get;-)  It is also a day to remember their sacrifices, and how God uses these men and women every day to protect our country and its freedoms.  

Encouraging them to find their way in a civilian world helps them heal and find peace. Realizing that their return from wartime only means a miracle and God's divine plan for their lives brings hope.

Yes, many suffered before and during wartime service, but many others returned and learned to thrive. 

Serving and thanking them for their service reminds them that they, too, are part of this amazing country.

God does heal and redeem, even through dogs. Please consider prayer and the support of Paws and Stripes today. It may mean the life and hope of a veteran.

In His grip~Kim

Originally published 11/11/2014

During the 2014-2015 Smita

Get The Blankie of God's Love Today

My special needs son received a blanket as a gift. Actually he receive many in his life, but this one held special significance.

He has always had a stuffed dog, named Max, which still sleeps with him, but he cherishes that blanket like it is one of his favorite toys or DVDs, only better.:-)  He carried it with him to the  ER at the hospital, hiding and playing under it in the waiting room.  

My son insisted that it cover him in his hospital bed.  He covered the dog with it, who sort of appreciated it...And the blanket lives on his bed, covering him every night.

No, this blanket is no ordinary blanket.  Because he received it from a special friend, the blanket has a special meaning to my son;  it is a warm and special reminder of love received.

Likewise, his older brother had a blankie from birth.  He cherished that blanket like Linus in the Peanuts did his blanket, carrying it with him everywhere we went.  

He tied it around his neck pretending to be Superman, and it was his source of comfort; I sewed it back together many times, and it never quite went back the way it was.  It now sits in a drawer, a holy reminder of his boyhood, quite literally.

God's love is like my sons' blankets.

They are warm and special symbols of love.  God's blankets may come in many different ways.  We may feel His love through praise and worship music, reading the Word, or hearing Him speak to us in a very special way.  

Or, we may feel His love through the love or services of other people.  We can even find Him in a supernatural way, through unexplained events.  These concrete things show us just how much God loves us.  We all need His blanket of Holy Love.

When we put our trust in Him, God's blanket wraps us up in His love and makes us feel protected.  It shelters and provides, even when the world around us seemingly falls apart.  His love is never failing, and unending.  It covers us in mercy and grace.  It fills us with love.

Many people are suffering without a blanket of God.

We cannot just give people band-aids for their hearts, particularly if they won't trust their Creator. People all around us are struggling with scars that run deep, tragedies that have occurred in their lives, and deep losses, that only God can heal.  

The solutions for them are many, and God knows how to reach them.  We can't just use our brain power to fix them.

If you are the one in need of His blanket, God does promise us He will change our hearts, when we honestly lay them before Him.  Only then can He change our lives into service for Him. 

This is the righteous life; the life where love, joy, peace, compassion, and understanding are all wrapped up in an imperfect package called, You, the Christian. 

It does not mean that our lives will become the perfect worldly package, but they will become more fulfilling than you ever dreamed.

So, have you found your Blankie?

You know, the very thing that brings you closer to God and a very deep, abiding comfort?

If you haven't, ask God, and He will wrap Himself around you. Sing praises to Him, draw, write or dance. Read your Bible and find the Spirit moving in inspiration to you. 

Once you have, rejoice and share the love of God with those around you who are in need.  He is a comfort to all of those who come to Him.

May the force of God's blankie surround you.

In His grip~Kim

Originally published 11/9/2014

During the 2014-2015 Shmita

Unglued? Or Is It Sensory Meltdown?

The Bible says:

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 

1 John 4:8

I felt like the Clampetts somedays. You know on the Beverly Hillbillies?

Right before the plumber arrived, my special needs son, who was already worried and upset that he hadn't arrived sooner, fell and skinned his knee.  He remained in the driveway crying and yelling at me, in a sensory pile of shut down from the stimulation and confusion.  The boy in him wanted to be in charge, yet wanted his mommy.  It was all just too much.

But, just as if on cue, the plumber arrives.  My son still refuses to get up out of the driveway.  But, I walk down to the gate to let in the plumber, and explain my plight to him, that I would direct him around my son if need be.  Of course, he just kind of looks at me, like "Are you kidding me?"  I gave him my confident smile and started walking back to my son.

By this time, he gets up, excited now that the plumber arrived, knee forgotten, but still teary.  He runs to the house, and opens up the door, and (here comes the Clampetts part) one of the dogs runs out. He won't listen to anyone and runs from me when I try to catch him, chasing him around the car.  When I do grab a hold of him, he resists me, but I manage to drag all 80 pounds of him into the house.

But, by this time, my son is screaming again inside, because the littlest Chihuahua mix is trying to run out the door and won't listen to his screaming...  Yet, I am still dragging the big dog, while he skids his feet on the tile floor, mind you.  I decide to put him in a small bathroom, and every time I try to shove him in, you guessed it, he tries to escape.

By this time, I am laughing hysterically, because the dog is incredibly stubborn. But, with some tenacity, I manage to shut both dogs into the bathroom.  I am totally out of breath and still laughing by the time I finish.

Of course, also by this time, the plumber is now laughing.

It turns out he has a few kids of his own, so he "got" the chaos thing...I didn't ask him if he had any dogs. But, I probably should have asked him if he wanted one of mine:-)  JK!

It appeared that the fabric of my whole house came UNGLUED!

Over the plumber...Or did it?

When the general order of our house goes out the window, for some reason as a society, people tend to say things like, "That lady needs to control her kids."  "If that was my kid, I ____." Or something to that effect.  Most of us have said things like this BEFORE we had kids...then, we realized.  :-)

Or my favorite is, the people who glare at you for grouching at your kid in the store, after telling them to behave for the 15th million time that day...

Parenting is no easy job, and it teaches us to pray, even when our kids and our own emotions come "unglued."  The chaos is part of the package, and, wanting order?  Well, just buckle your seat belt, because you aren't always going to get that. ;-)

Love is the real glue in life.

And we cannot have love without GOD.  It just isn't possible, because GOD is love.  He is the one that binds our hearts together, and He is the one who works among us.  Chaos will need to be settled and problems need to be solved.  He is the One who creates order out of chaos.

We can have man-made systems and organizations, even under the guise of what some term "church."  But, what we really need is LOVE---LOVE that is born of God, who sacrificed His only Son, Jesus Christ to die for our sins.  

In His grip~Kim

Originally published 10/11/2014

During Shmita 2014-2015

Faith, Hope & Love Against the Storm of Violence

The Bible says:

And now these three remain faith, hope, and love.  But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13

None of us can bury our heads in the sand, right now, at the evil distortions of ISIS.  

There is fear at every corner.  Despair is contending for the world's view right now.  But, honestly, we cannot let the devil win.  We must cling to FAITH, HOPE & LOVE.

Yet, if you are like me, you are hiding these demonic, violent images of human atrocities from your children. 

Personally speaking, I always insisted that my children not have violent video games, not just because I am a Christian, but because I learned early on that children's brains are negatively affected by violent images, particularly frequent images. 

If you have boys like I do, you may be rolling your eyes at that...thinking that this is impossible, perhaps. And, yes, those of us who have boys, know how they rough house, and use sticks (or other objects) as weapons to slay dragons and save princesses every day.  Mine did that too.

But, their mind's eye does not reflect the same images that occur either in a grown man's realistic mind or worse, in a psychotic male brain. This is even more reason to protect them from modern technological violence, on screen, and in video games.  

However, right now, the news is a real danger.  

War and militant uprisings.  Women, children and the elderly are being needlessly killed, not to mention the men who are soldiers, or even humanitarian workers losing their lives.  There is no Godly rationality to their actions.  There is further no question that this is outright evil.  

Violence does not justify and support the cause of religion.   

We have to cling to have FAITH, HOPE & LOVE in Christ.  

We have to cling to Jesus.  We must cover our children in prayer for the times when the devil finds an open door and sneaks in.  

Further, we must pray against this evil uprising, for the safety of all of us.  We must call on the power of Jesus Christ---OUR POWER---to stand up against the devil's work.  

Our prayers are a fragrant offering to the Lord and He does hear them. 

In His grip~Kim

Originally published on 10/5/2014

During the 2014-2015 Shmita

The Harvest in The Hospital

While I was on the sidelines of the ER with my son, I witnessed people carrying out God's work in urgent and not-so-urgent needs.  What struck me deep, though, was when I witnessed the Holy Spirit work through someone in an unexplainable way.  

We forget to expect the unexpected...

Because it WILL happen.

Why?

Because God chooses to send His Holy Spirit down in a way that blesses the socks off of us, and at this time above, to bless and comfort a mother and her child.  What appeared on the outside to be a small, almost insignificant, work from one person to another, affected those in the room who heard the Spirit speaking. 

God can work miracles through ordinary, totally imperfect circumstances.

For. a. reason.

I have said this before, and I'll say it again:

The Lord is in charge of the harvest.  

Not us.  We think we have it all figured out, how to present a few Bible verses, and lo and behold someone has the stamped seal of salvation approval!  We think we know how to set boundaries and learn love languages.

But, honestly, things usually don't work according to our human ideas.  I didn't find salvation through a step-by-step process, and I think that for many others it doesn't happen that way either.  But, God knows what each of us needs. He knows how we need to love and be loved.  He knows how far we have to go to really receive Him, and His gift of salvation.  We really don't know; we aren't God.

Yet, when God comes down in a miraculous act, we know Him.

The Lord is in charge of the results, not us.  He works hard preparing the soil of someone's heart and life, and if the seed that is sown falls into the right ground, and the Spirit waters it enough,  it will grow and yield a harvest.  Sometimes it is big, but sometimes it is huge.  Only HE knows; it is then that we see Him and know the work he performed.

Are you praying for a harvest in someone?

Do not give up, but pray for the Lord to open their hearts to receive Him and His Spirit, and He will bring it in. Who knows?

Perhaps He will bring a miracle of even small proportions, one that speaks volumes to all those involved and one that they will never forget.  Just as in the hospital, the Lord cares for a single mom and her child, so He cares about each one of us.

In His grip~Kim

Originally published 9/27/2014

Faith, Trust and Hope in a Crisis

I found myself in a new medical crisis recently with my special needs son.  Multiple trips to the ER, hospital admissions, and yet, no real answers.  A week of struggle, and then yet another round of ER trips, and our most recent hospital admission, three weeks in the making.

There are still no long-term solutions to his condition. The doctor gave me a medical diagnosis of "hopelessness." He stated that the condition may never clear up because of my son's genetic syndrome.

Yet, this reminds of the time we received his medical diagnosis of Prader-Willi Syndrome, and we were told that all he would do is sit around and do nothing....well, that obviously did not come true!

So, I refuse to believe in his pessimism.  Yes, his course of medical treatment may require a shift, but truly, the doctors may write a medical diagnosis, but they cannot write the end of his story!

Why?

Because the LORD already wrote it!

FAITH in Jesus must be our cornerstone during these times.

TRUST in God's plan for our families must remain in our view.

HOPE in the Lord's solution to our child's problems must be what we hold on to no. matter. what.

If I give into my fears that things may not go well, then I risk having faith for the worst.

You know how when you are in a crisis and too many people stand up against you, pushing against what you KNOW to be the truth?  Sometimes, it can attempt to pull us into a gushing rapid river of action. At least, that is how I felt, and still feel right now. 

I kept clinging to rocks and building dams. I would go under and come up gasping for air, facing yet another problem in my son's condition. Yet, the river continued to carry me downstream.

My whole life was turned upside down in an instant.

As each small crisis settled, I looked around for the trees and rocks that had sustained me.  I realized that Jesus put them there to support me so that I could support my son.

It is a reminder that we must have FAITH, TRUST, and HOPE for the future in Christ!

As we know in Special Needs Land, we will probably end up in another crisis, and God will yet, again, place people in our paths to help guide and support us. Even if we go under, we will come out on the other side with a solution. We can TRUST that He will and has already made a way.  Then, we have HOPE for the future, because we see the miracles of His provision already.  The Bible says,

"For I know the plans that I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

Are you in a medical crisis today?

Look for God's provision both in and out of your crisis.  Who and what is left, and what is God's plan for your family's future? The Holy Spirit is still moving.  He continues to guide and provide for us. Yes, even in a crisis, He provides, even when our hearts fear the most.  He is still there, swiftly carrying us.

PRAY first, to seek the Lord's direction.  He knows the way, and He has the answer or even delivers your need. Cling to Him FIRST.

Then, have FAITH, TRUST, AND HOPE in the Lord's plan for your child's current needs.


In His grip~Kim

Originally published 9/19/2014

Parenting Special Needs in the Middle of a Mess

While in the bathroom, I suddenly hear screams and chaos.  I hurry out of the bathroom to the sounds erupting into the morning, only to run into two angry boys, ready to defend their cause.  

One forgetting he has a brother with special needs, and the other in a special needs shut-down.  With Mama Bear's swiftness, I stand before them, insisting on order and peace.

I must at moments like these, bridge the gap for them between two different worlds: special needs and normal.  Yet, they are just boys; two different worlds who must live under the same roof.  But, the conflicts are the same in the rest of the world, only more divided.

We all live it as special needs parents.  There are expectations of each world that conflict.  Yet, both must be brought together in peace.  Add our faith as Christians, in the mix of that, and you do have one big mess at times!

Love is messy!

People get aggravated, annoyed, and yet, still love each other.  As in the case of boys, well, they may get a bit too rowdy, but there is brotherly love.  Yet, they have to learn to work through conflicts and settle disputes among themselves, without the wildness.  As parents, we know that this is just part of growing up.

But, with special needs, it is not always so easy to reconcile in the world.  There is autism and genetically induced mental illness.  There are physical and medical disabilities.  Why does the Lord allow this to happen?  I don't know. 

Perhaps to bridge the medical community into the equation? To help us find our faith?  We can only trust the Lord's purposes, because He is, after all, the Creator.

What I do know is that we are all interconnected.  We cannot just walk away from each other.  

Diving in deep with the Holy Spirit is the only way.

Unfortunately, not everyone dives in that deep.

Most of us know that love only comes with honesty.  People can dip their toe in, or tread water, but they will never truly love because they hate their own reflection.  They have yet to receive the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ, who brings the gift of true salvation.  

So it is with those who refuse to accept our special needs children as they are. They think they have the right to falsely judge and accuse special needs people because they are struggling with their own hearts. And they refuse to accept or help.

But, both worlds must co-exist.

Truly.  In order for peace to occur between the special and normal worlds.  The normal world must give in to the reality that special is just that--special. They need the help of those who are "normal" and need them to rise above their living only for their own needs. 

Special needs people cannot change who God created them to be, to accommodate the normal world's ideas of how life should be.

Likewise, special needs people must forgive the self-centeredness of the normal world, that fails to accommodate their very real needs, and the inability to be normal all, or most, of the time.  They must try to reach out in love and kindness, even when the normal world harshly begrudges their needs. 

Some special needs individuals, who understand enough, will have to learn to accept that the normal world just does not understand their needs.

It all comes down to love.

Yes, this is a tall order.

But, we MUST bridge these two worlds as parents and advocates, and we need others from the normal world to help us bridge them as well.  It is our reality, and our daily challenge to find this kind of support.   Yes, it is messy on the surface, but God will make the way straight, no matter what the circumstances are.

We must be the hands and feet of Jesus Christ; this is true love, and it IS messy! To serve in the way that God calls you to.  We DON'T have to completely lay ourselves down to be trampled and martyred.

Prayer, and trusting in the Holy Spirit's leading of us, is our only hope to find His will!

Jesus already paid the price!

In His grip~Kim

Originally published 9/13/2014

#Justhavefaith

I pulled into the driving lane to place our order for lunch at a drive-through with my son only minutes before our doctor's appointment.  I quickly scanned the menu and discovered this particular Chick-Fil-A had grilled chicken nuggets, which in our experience, is a rare event. While there is no guarantee that the nuggets are 100% gluten-free (which we cannot eat), they are of course, better than some other alternatives.

So, I. was. ecstatic.

Yes, even over grilled chicken nuggets.

Why? Because the Holy Spirit moved me there.

I could not have planned to pull into a drive-through at a fast food restaurant, having resolved myself to gluten, and then receiving something even better.  It certainly was not something I knew before I pulled up into the drive-through. However, it was something that the Spirit provided for us because He knew:

1) My son could not wait to eat.

2) Our choices came down to Chick Fil A or MickieDs.

For us, it was the only choice.

Don't you love the Lord?!

Isn't it amazing when these little God-moments happen? Right plop in the middle of ordinary daily events & needs. God does care about your little things too. They are completely unplanned, and right before your very eyes, the Lord provides exactly what your family needs when you need it.

God makes a way when you jump in faith!

To the outsider, it may appear to be luck or one of those nice little surprises.  To the Christian who is the recipient of such an incident, praying for the way to go, events like this are "dropped out of the sky" blessings from God.

Luck has nothing to do with it.

But, the Holy Spirit had everything to do with it!

When we receive Christ, He blesses us with the Holy Spirit, who will guide and intercede for us, providing for our every need.  Faith in Jesus is all we need.

The Bible says, Now He who establishes us with you in Christ and anointed us is God, who also sealed us and gave us the Spirit in our hearts as a pledge. 2 Corinthians 1:21-22

In His grip~Kim

Originally published on 9/6/2014

Are You Overwhelmed by The Grace of God?

Big Daddy Weave just says it all!  

Trusting God for all that we need every day! 

In His grip~Kim

Originally published on 8/22/2014

Can Special Needs be Completely Healed?

Special needs moms wonder this, even if they don't say it out loud.

I think it is part of the grief process, really. What we thought was going to be a normal healthy baby turns out to be not so healthy, and then, we find out they are special. Not normal. Different.

Then, we bargain with God. We ask Him to heal our children. We ask plain out for a miracle.  We see the oncoming train, and the life of Special Needs coming right at us.  We are afraid of the future.

Yet, for most of us, the miracle does not come to take away the specialness of our children.

There was a time when I hoped for a miracle too.

I wanted my son to run and play like other children.  I wanted him to talk and socially relate with children normally.  I wanted him to find peace and calm, not anxiety.

God did bless us with a few healings, and He continues to work in my son.  He stays healthy.  When the syndrome attacks his body, he overcomes it.

But, God has not healed my son of his syndrome, and yes, he still acts autistic, and exactly like a person with his genetic syndrome acts. 

Missionaries talk about healings

Usually, they are from missionaries who go to foreign countries.  

Even then, they do not occur very often. Yet, I can say, that Jesus Himself stated in John 9:1-3, that the blind man he healed was created this way for the glory of God.  I don't think we have yet seen the FULL manifestation of that verse today.

Does God heal our children? Yes, in some ways He does. We have seen amazing results from health and nutrition, medications, and therapies.  

Sometimes, we hear of babies healed of malformations in their bodies, and young children overcome amazing odds in their development when they shouldn't.

Rarely is a child healed of their special needs

There is this guilt in the Special Needs Mommy World that says you aren't doing enough if your child still lags behind.  If you haven't been to 20 therapies in one week, and 10 doctor appointments, then you aren't doing enough.

It is as if they hold on to the hope that if they work hard enough, their child will no longer have this genetic syndrome. 

I get it. We all hope for healing, but at some point, we must tend to other things around us and within our families. 

I want the best for my son, but I have another child. 

At some point, God either brings us a miracle for our child, or He gives us the grace to stand up under the burden we have been given by Him. 

God's plan for healing is not necessarily the world's view.

That is really a hard one, particularly if you are the one with a sick child.  You do everything you can, and still, changes don't happen. You pray some more. Your child still remains disabled. Your child develops slowly or develops more conditions of their genetic syndrome. You pray even harder, and still, life for your child is difficult.

When we have done everything we can, it is time for acceptance.

It is time for us to find rest in Special Needs and all that it brings. Sure, there will be plenty of dark days, but there are also more than enough days of joy.

It is time to rejoice at the simpleness of your child's worldview. It is time to look for those who understand his or her unique perspective and RESPECT it. 

Today is a season to look for tolerance and love, not hate, and a push to conformity that will never happen.

Yet, we have hope. Hope for a new body for our children in Heaven. Jesus will carry us through this Special Needs life.

In His grip~

Kim

Originally published 7/31/2014

Unlocking God's Will in Your Life

Jesus taught us to pray in Matthew 6:9-13 :

Our Father in heaven,
Hallowed by your Name.
Your Kingdom come,
Your will be done,
On Earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
And forgive us our debts,
As we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation, 
But deliver us from evil.

What happens when it doesn't work?

Honestly, this prayer, known as the Lord's prayer, is not just a set formula that guarantees instant results. Too often, in our absolute frustration with life's events, we find ourselves calling out to Heaven with our words and cries, only to find that our prayers are not answered in the way we wanted them to be.

But, you know, there can be two reasons this is happening...

We may be praying the wrong prayer.

You might say, "God wants life not death, health, not sickness, right?"

Yes, but sometimes our hearts may not be aligned with God's heart in the matters we lay before Him.  God's purpose in all of our lives does not rest on the human worldview, but on bringing us closer to Him.

You see, in my own experience, in our human world, we look around and decide things need to be aligned this way, or that way. This child should be normal, not disabled.  This child should be healthy, not sick.  This child should live, not die.

Yet, just as we learn in the book of John that a man is born blind just so Jesus can heal him and show the world God's healing power, so too, can God have a plan we just don't understand in our world's eye view.

God may not restore things that go wrong in the way that we think restoration should happen. He may have an even better, more glorious solution than we understand.  In our human eye view, it can cause us great sorrow and loss.

This brings me to the second point.

Why should we even pray at all?

It is like this, if God has not prepared our hearts, or rather, we are still holding on to sinful ideas that keep us from hearing Him and His will for a specific event, then our prayers appear to hit the ceiling of Heaven.  I am not saying it is the means to an end, but that we may need to be on a stronger foundation before things shift in God's realm.

The real question is, how honest are you ready to be before the One who created you?

Have you ever tried laying your heart, completely bare before Jesus?  Trust me, it is NOT an easy thing to do! When we look full into the mirror of our own hearts, it is not pretty.  Not one person can tell me they are not stained and don't need Jesus, because they do.

We have to allow the Lord to shine His light on our hearts and repent of our sins.  It is a cleansing that you want to do, believe me, but it is only for brave hearts.  It will not only bring light into your soul but true grace and peace. It will also bring you a new heart.

In the end, we can choose to follow God or our own plan.

God knows the best way to solve our problems if we will only listen.  We, His people, will only find true rest when we choose to submit to His will.  The funny part is that the Lord will not force us.  He will only beckon us, His Bride, to Him.  He promises us a new heart if we will.

In His grip~Kim

Originally published 7/28/2014

You are Created for a Purpose

We are all a miracle.

Further, it is a miracle that any of us are saved!

One of the things that so many Christians preach and teach (intentional or not) is that we all come to Jesus ONE way.  Yet, read the Bible.  There is not one story about someone's faith that is the same.  Some may be similar, but never the same.

The funny thing is that God does not even create us the same.

He creates each of us in His own image.  Think about it, if God creates us in His own image, then how in the world did we end up with so many different colors, sizes, shapes, males, females, disabilities, and normal people in the world? Because God creates and looks at us from the inside out.

The twelve tribes of Israel in the Bible consisted of many nationalities.  Watch the Aliyah coming into Israel in the past few years, and you will see ethnic diversity from many different races.  Why? Because God created Israel this way, and it still exists in the Jewish faith.

Each utensil is created for a different purpose.

Sometimes, I think about our life journeys.  Some have it relatively easy, with all of the perfect family trimmings.  Others have a difficult road of childhood abuse and addiction.  Yet, still, others barely survive through a life of poverty and neglect.  Some live only a few short years and shine the brightest Light of Jesus to all who know them.

Your purpose is just for you.

When we receive Jesus we become part of the Body of Christ.   God creates us just for His good pleasure, and His purpose on this earth.  Yet, we can't receive it until we begin to listen to God.  When we hear Him, we follow the Spirit.

Following Jesus brings His children together.  When we put Him first, we will bond together in a way that only comes from the Lord.  It is His goodwill.  Each child of God has a part and purpose in the Body of Christ.  Sometimes it fluctuates and changes, but it always glorifies God.

As the Word says, we are all created with a purpose, but knowing this rests on our decision to follow Him first.


In His grip~Kim

Originally published on 7/10/2014